The awesomeness of quotes pt 7

This awesomeness of quotes is about Leverage. I stumbled on to this series, because of actor Christian Kane. He played the character of Lindsey MacDonald in Angel and I always sorta liked him. But then I watched Leverage, and man.... that's a good show. And Kane (Eliot) kicks some serious you-know-what. It's a very smart show with great - kinda weird - characters and I love that. Weird characters usually have the best lines, so here are a couple of those great ones. (Leverage is still on the air with new eps starting at the end of November)

To start of, these lines are repeatedly used during the seasons:
 
Eliot Spencer: "Dammit, Hardison!"
Eliot Spencer: "It's a very distinctive...(something)"
Nathan Ford: "Let's go steal a..."
Alec Hardison: "Age of the geek, baby!"

Season 1

1x01 - The Nigerian Job
Eliot: "I'm going to beat Dubenich so bad even the people that look like him are going to bleed."
Parker: "You won't get within a hundred yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces."
Eliot: "He tried to kill us."
Parker: "More importantly he didn't pay us."
Eliot: "How is that more important?!"
Parker: "I take that personally."
Eliot: "There's somethin' wrong with you."
[after the con] 
Parker: "What is it with women and shoes?"
Sophie: "There's something wrong with you."
Eliot: "That's what I said!"

1x02 - The Homecoming Job
[While getting ready to repel off of a building] 
Hardison: "I gotta go back to the office, I just remembered something."
Parker: "What?"
Hardison: "I just remembered gravity. And the squishiness of all my manly bits."

1x03 - The Two-Horse Job
Parker: [Crawling through an air duct] "Looks like Parker's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people."
Eliot: [on comms, from the truck] "Parker, you realize that we can still hear you?"
[Parker sighs exasperatedly]

1x04 - The Miracle Job
Nate: "Could you just make the statue cry without melting St. Nick's head?"
Parker: "Don't melt Santa!"
Hardison and Eliot: "It's not Santa!"

1x05 - The Bank Shot Job
Derrick: "Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are!"
Sophie: "I'm a thief."
Derrick: "Okay...I'm not sure what to do with that."
  
Parker: "Sometimes bad guys are the only good guys you get."

1x06 - The Stork Job 
Nicolas: "So where are you from?"
Parker: "Where am I from? Oh, where am I from! Uh..."
Nate: [Through the earpiece] "You're from, uh...Pittsburgh, Detroit, Atlanta..."
Parker: "I'm from Pittsburgh, Detroit, Atlanta."
Nate: "I meant, pick one!"

Nate: "Where's Parker?"
Eliot: [walking into the office] "How the hell should I know?"
Hardison: "Can't reach her on the comms. She slipped the security grid at the embassy."
Sophie: "Where could she be?"
Hardison: "This is Parker we're talking about. She could be halfway across Europe by now. Trust me, she is gone."
Parker: [popping up to the left of Nate] "Who's gone? [everybody turns to her in surprise] What?"

1x07 -  The Wedding Job
Eliot: "I don't have to type anything, right?"
  
Nate: "Sophie, where are we at?"
Sophie: "Huh? I don’t know, Nate. I think you need to ask yourself that question. You called me, remember? And now we’re working together every day. I don’t know what you want. And to ask me that dressed like a Vicar. You’re a very strange man."
Nate: "No, no, no. I meant where are we at with finding the money?"

1x09 - The Snow Job
Parker: "'A man with one watch knows the time. A man with two is never sure'...I had fortune cookies for breakfast."
Hardison: "...So what you had leftover Chinese for breakfast?"
Parker: "No, just the cookies."
Hardison: "Do you put milk on the fortune cookies..."
Parker: "It's not cereal. It's a fortune cookie."

1x11 - The Juror No. 6 Job
Eliot: "You have an orange. Alright, now convince me that I want the orange, not the apple... I'm gonna take a bite.... [takes a bite]"
Parker: "I put a razor blade in that apple!"
Eliot: [Spits out the apple] "Are you serious!?"
Parker: "Maybe, but do you know what doesn't have a razor blade in it? This orange."

1x12 - The First David Job
Parker: [Excitedly] "WE JUST STOLE AN EIGHT MILLION DOLLAR STATUE! On, like, our day off!"

1x13 - The Second David Job
Hardison: "Eliot, what does that say?"
Eliot: "It says "dead"."
Hardison: "D-E-D, dead, baby."
Eliot and Nate: "D-E-A-D!"
Hardison: "I... I know how to... I was throwing a little style in it, just a little bit. A little style. I know how to spell 'dead,' dammit! I can steal a bank, I can spell 'dead'!"

Season 2

2x01 - The Beantown Bailout Job 
[Parker walks out of Nate's kitchen dressed as a nun] 
Eliot: "She's dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con."
Nate: "What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?" 
Eliot: "It's Parker." 
Nate: "Ah. Fair enough."

2x03 - The Order 23 Job
Parker: "So let me get this straight. You're a doctor."
Nate: "Yeah."
Parker: "What if someone asks you to deliver a baby?"
Nate: "I'd say I'm not an obstetrician."
Parker: "What, a what?"
Nate: "A baby doctor."
Parker: "Well, what if there's a train accident and there's stretchers everywhere and someone points to you and says 'Hey you! Help me with this sucking chest wound!'"
Nate: "I'd stick my hand in the chest and, y'know, hope for the best."
Parker: "Oh, you are so not operating on me."

2x04 - The Fairy Godparents Job
Hardison: "Looks like an ordinary cell phone, right? It's not, man. It's a metal detector. See, it uses pulse-induction technology that sends out a current that generates a magnetic field, and then...are you even listening?"
Eliot: "Yeah."
Hardison: "Well, what'd I say?"
Eliot: You were explaining how you're still a virgin?"

Nate: "There are three general exceptions for house arrest: personal safety, death of a relative, and family events."
Eliot: "Personal safety. We could burn the apartment down."
Parker: [excitedly raises her hand] "Ooh! Ooh!"

2x05 - The Three Days of the Hunter Job
Parker: "Eliot, these conspiracies aren't real right?"
Eliot: "What do you mean?"
Parker: "Like that one over there that says all the major wars of the past fifty years were ordered by the council."
Eliot: "Parker, I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you."
Parker: [As Eliot is walking away] "You're not a member of the Council... are you? Eliot! [Looks at Nate] Is he?"

2x06 - The Top Hat Job
Security guy: "Remember when I said you had pretty hair? I was lying."
Parker: "Yeah? Well, so was I when I said you didn't... wait, dammit."

2x07 - The Two Live Crew Job
[Parker is staring intently at Sophie] 
Sophie: "Stop it."
Parker: "It's like you're haunting us."
Sophie: "Parker, I'm not really dead. [Parker reaches to check her pulse] I'm not dead!"

2x10 - The Runaway Job
[after Sophie convinces the others to give Tara a chance] 
Eliot: "She is hot."
Hardison: "Very hot."
Parker: "Hot. [everybody looks at Parker] Warm? Cold? Why are we staring?"

2x12 - The Zanzibar Marketplace Job
[Hardison suggests a vacation to Parker] 
Hardison: "Two weeks in Tokyo. We'd have a great time."
Parker: "What are we stealing?"
Hardison: "We don't steal anything. We'd be tourists."
Parker: "Not following you."
[later on] 
Parker: "So, I took your advice and did the whole touristy thing. Went to the museum, and it was amazing."
Hardison: "You see?"
Parker: "Yeah. They have a Guardian T-840 Security System. I've only seen those things in books. And the motion detectors--ooh, gorgeous! Six digital receptors. Six!"
Hardison: "What about the paintings?"
Parker: "What about the paintings?"

2x15 - The Maltese Falcon Job
Parker: "Don't worry. No one's ever died going in through an air duct."
Tara: "That's...comforting."
Parker: "Worst case, you slip and fall, break your legs, lay there for days scratching on the metal. It's like a long metal coffin. With wind."

Season 3

3x01 - The Jailhouse Job
Nate: "Guys, no. I committed a crime, I got caught, and now I am gonna serve my time."
Sophie: "Nate, what kind of world would it be if everybody that committed a silly little crime went to prison, huh? Complete madness."

3x02 - The Reunion Job
Nate: "What, are you lurking?"
Eliot: "Yeah. I'm a lurker. It's my thing."

3x03 - The Inside Job
Parker: [as they run away] "What's sexting?"
Eliot: [exasperated] "I am not having this conversation with you, Parker!"

3x06 - The Studio Job
Hardison: "Now, I rigged my laptop to record your com. Now this means that I can alter your pitch from anywhere to make you sound like Darth Eliot..."
Eliot: [voice like Darth Vader] "I don't speak on command, Hardison."
Hardison: "...to Spencer Smurf."
Eliot: [voice like Smurf] "I don't speak on command, Hardison."
Eliot: "Hardison."
Hardison: "Don't ever do the Smurf thing again? "
Eliot: "Right."

3x08 - The Boost Job
Eliot: "Damn it, Parker where'd you learn to drive?"
Parker: "Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver."
Hardison: "Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve."

3x09 - The Three Card Monte Job
Eliot: [after Parker tossed a crowbar at him] "You don't throw crowbars at people!"
Parker: "Sorry! [mimicked whining] 'You don't throw crowbars at people.' Could have just tasered him." 

3x11 - The Rashomon Job
Sophie: "When I started telling them about one of my finest jobs ever..."
Eliot: "But I know she's lying."
Hardison: "She's a grifter. It's her job."
Parker: "Wait, I'm confused. Now, she's lying about lying?"
  
[Eliot's telling his version of the story] 
Sophie: "Blimey governor, that there's loaded with sea roaches. That's British for shrimp, we have different word for a lot of things. It's a bit stupid in'it?"

Sophie: "It was en route. That's like stealing my mail."
Parker: "What, is stealing mail a crime? Oops."

3x13 - The Morning After Job 
Eliot: "All right Nate, the guy in the bed with the dead hooker con is up and running."
Hardison: "Hey, man, it's called the Vegas wake-up call."
Eliot: "No it's not, all right? The Vegas wake-up call, the boyfriend shows up."

Sophie: "So. It's the lawyer, the prosecutor, the deal, and the dead girl in the bed. It's the Cuban sandwich."

Parker: [after she tasers the mark] "I am really starting to enjoy tasing people... Is that a problem?"

3x14 - The Ho Ho Ho Job  
Parker: [after a weather report has predicted no snow for Christmas] "Well, I want flurries. Make it happen."

Parker: "Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!"
Nate: "You know that's not really Santa, right?"
Parker: "Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole."

Parker (to Eliot): "You're Santa, respect the suit!"

3x15 - The Big Bang Job 
Parker: "Does it blow up?"
Hardison: "Not everything blows up, Parker."
Parker: "Everything blows up, silly."

3x16 - The San Lorenzo Job
Sophie: "Don't cry for me, San Lorenzo."
Nate: "You are utterly unclear on how to be dead. This is the second time in two years you've shown up at your own funeral."

Season 4

4x01 - The Long Way Down Job
[Hardison hugs Eliot a little too long] 
Eliot: "Let go!"
Hardison: "I'm just so damn cold!"
Eliot: "I don't care, man! 
Hardison: "Please, set me on fire, do something! Cause I'm all shivering and I think one of my nipples fell off."
Eliot: "Don't tell me stuff like that!"
Parker: "Tell him what?"
Hardison: "Nothing. Hey girl." [He moves to hug her but is denied] 
Nate: "Okay, Parker, listen, you can climb a mountain, right?"
Parker: "I climb skyscrapers. You can walk up a mountain."
Eliot: "It's not the same. Are there avalanches on skyscrapers?"
Parker: "No. But that would be so cool."

4x02 - The 10 Li'l Grifters Job
Parker: "I've never been to a costume party."
Sophie: "Now that is just heartbreaking."

4x03 - The 15 Minutes Job
Eliot: "Stop-stop with the Star Trek stuff again!
"
Hardison: "'Wars'! Damn it, it's Star Wars! And-and that CGI Yoda they used in the prequels, it was an insult to the puppet. They-you know-you know what, man? It's not even worth discussing.
"
Eliot: "You're the only one discussing."
 
Parker: "I kinda like CGI Yoda.
"
Hardison: "Eek!"
[Afterwards] 
Hardison: "Parker, I'm not going to be able to unhear that CGI Yoda thing. Cut me deep, woman, that cut me deep."

4x05 - The Hot Potato Job
[Eliot on Parker hitting Hardison] 
Eliot: "She gotcha man, you got a little blood right there."
Hardison: "Yeah, she got a right hook like a freight train."
Eliot: "She put her hips into it?"
Hardison: "I'm pretty sure she did."
Eliot: "That's my girl!"
Hardison: "Stop. Don't teach people how to do that!"

4x08 - The Boiler Room Job
Parker: [over the comms] "Hi, Hardison!
"
Hardison: "Um... hello?
"
Parker: "Nate won't tell me what the name of the job is.
"
Nate: "Parker, not now. Please?"
Parker: "Yeah, but what are we stealing? Is it 'let's go steal a mountain' or a potato or a funeral or a panda or..."
Hardison: "I told y'all not to let her go to that festival unsupervised."

4x09 - The Cross My Heart Job
Nate: [on how they're going to steal an airline employee badge] "We're gonna twist Sophie's ankle."
[Later] 
Parker: [asking how to get another badge] "How do we get do that? Break Eliot's wrist?"
Hardison: "What? No-no, we just pick one up from where the ground crew left it."
[Later] 
Sophie: [discussing the final step-getting into the airline tower] "Well, we have to lure them out..."
Parker: "Oh! Okay, set Nate on fire?"
Eliot: [looking annoyed] "Settle down!"

4x10 - The Queen's Gambit Job 
Sophie: "So, what, the salt was plan B?"
Nate: "No, no, that's, ah, that's plan M."
Hardison: "Don't I die in plan M?"
Nate: "Yeah, usually."
Hardison: "What you mean, usually? How many plans do I die in?"
Nate: "C, F, and M through Q."
Hardison: "See, that's a little close to home, man. You need to switch that up. How many plans does Eliot die in?"
Nate: "None. And [pointing to Parker] none. And [pointing to Sophie]...nnehh. So there is a plan where he [Eliot] comes out of it with a scar from the temple through the eye all the way down to his mouth-"
Parker: "Ooh! You'd look so cool with a scar!"
Sophie: "Wait, wait, wait, go back, hold on, let's-let's rewind--you skipped past me! You skipped past me."
Nate: "Well, I have one, there is a plan, but it's evolving."
Sophie: "Okay, that's creepy. Don't you think that's creepy? He's planning my death."

4x11 - The Experimental Job
Parker: "So, remember last night when you were playing with your pretend friends?"
Hardison: "They're not pretend, they're just not in the same room as me."
Parker: "They're an elf, a dwarf, and a thing with a tail. I'm pretty sure they're pretend. Remember when you took the thingy with the glowing thingy and used it to kill the guy who was on the shiny stuff and also there was all this magic?"
Hardison: (smiles) "I think so..."
Parker: "That was so cool. I mean how many people here are cool enough to kill the guy with the thing?"
Hardison: "You're right that was pretty cool."
Parker: "Yeah" (kisses his cheek and walks away) 
Sophie (over comms): "That actually worked?"
Hardison: "No but the fact that she thought it would work, that worked."

Parker: "Should I tell him it's the age of the geek?"
Hardison: "He'll figure it out eventually."

4x13 - The Girls Night Out Job
Sophie: "How do we disarm it?"
Tara: "You're asking me?"
Sophie: "You were in the army."
Tara: "You stole paintings, that doesn't mean you know how to draw."

4x15 - The Lonely Hearts Job
Parker: "Let's go steal a sweetheart." 
[Eliot shakes his head] 
Parker: "A widow?"
Eliot: "Nah."
Parker: "A spider? A spider."
 
4x16 - The Gold Job
Eliot: "Did you take a bite of all of these?"
Parker: "I had to see which one I wanted."

4x18 - The Last Dam Job
[Hardison and Chaos finish explaining something technical] 
Quinn: "Can I hit him?"
Eliot: "Which one?"
Quinn: "Either one."
Eliot [turning to Sophie]: "See, it's not just me."

Season 5

5x01 - The (Very) Big Bird Job
Sophie: "That was the con I used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge the year we met!"
Nate: "I know. That's why I did it."
Sophie: "That's romantic."

Sophie: "We are going to have a serious talk about moving somewhere with less rain."
Hardison: "London has rain"
Sophie: "London has fog. Fog is mysterious. Rain just ruins my hair."

Sophie: "Why are you happy about this?"
Parker: "We're here."
Sophie: "Yeah, I know, we're here, get used to it."
Parker: "No, I mean, we're all here."
Sophie: "Oh. That's sweet."
Parker: "Yeah, me and my money, Hardison and Eliot, Nate and you..."
Sophie: "Parker, why does the money always come before the people?"

5x02 - The Blue Line Job
Nate (explaining the enforcers): "...It's sort of like the fear of having to fight one of them is what keeps everything cool."
Parker (non-chalantly): "Oh. Sherlings theory of rational deterrence. (everyone stares at parker in surprise) Cold war?"
Nate (hesitantly): "That's actually, terrifyingly, exactly right."

Sophie: "Fights in every period? Even on power plays?"
Nate: "How did you know...?"
Sophie: "This guy is like a minor hammer, like Dave the Hammer Shultz."
Hardison: "Did she...?"
Sophie: "What? A girl can't watch hockey?"
Nate: "What'd you steal?"
Sophie: (quietly) "Something hockey related. A certain trophy."
Nate: "No you didn't. Not the Stanley Cup. No, I saw it last year in Boston."
Sophie: "No, that was a fake. And not a very good one. No no no, sorry. My engraver, was awful."
Nate: "Ok, so where's the real one?"
Sophie (in her con voice): "I don't remember."
(later) 
Nate: "Are you messing with me?"
Sophie: "When did I ever lie about a grift?"
Nate: "So tell me. Tell me where it is."
Sophie: "Look, there's Vlad."
(later) 
Nate: "So is it some place warm?"
Sophie: "I don't remember."
Nate: "Is it in Boston?"
Sophie: "Nate, I don't remember!"
Nate: "Are you sure it's the Stanley Cup?"
Sophie: "That I remember."
Nate: "Where's the last place you remember having it?"
Sophie: (Smiles) "I don't remember."

Parker: "Did I fall asleep again?"
Hardison: "Ya."
Parker: "How did the movie end?"
Hardison: "Soylent Green is people!"
Parker: "WOAH!"
Hardison: "I know."

5x03 - The First Contact Job
Hardison: "You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist."
Eliot: "Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. (Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look) You never know when you might have to fight an alien."

5x04 - The French Connection Job
Parker (to Nate): "I don't have a thing... Eliot has a thing, he loves food. Sophie loves theater. You have a sicko love of controlling people."

5x05 - The Gimme a K Street Job
Parker: "What do I know about teenage girls?"
Nate: "Um, You were a teenage girl?"
Parker: "Only sort of."

5x07 - The Real Fake Car Job
Nate: "Marshall I know you're upset but you can't really blame him for something that happened yesterday. The past is the past. You can't blame him for something that happened 20 minutes ago, 2 minutes ago. What you need to be thinking about is what's going to happen next."
Sophie: [listening on the comms] "Could somebody record this? I want a record of this!"

5x09 - The Rundown Job
Eliot: "You guys stole a Michelangelo with tin foil and chewing gum! Figure it out!"

Like I said, the series is still going. When I have time I will add some new quotes. For now, all I can say is, start watching the show if you aren't already. I really like the writing. What I love is how all of these characters are so unique. They really are. And they are all a little quirky. Especially Parker. She has a dark past and is the least 'normal'. Which gives her some amazing lines and she keeps surpising the viewer with it. So, just because I really, really love Parker's character:

For more information, please check:
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leverage_%28TV_series%29
- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1103987/
- http://www.tntdrama.com/series/leverage/

For more on Christian Kane and his wonderful voice:
- http://christiankane.com/
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Kane
- https://twitter.com/ChristianKane01
- http://www.myspace.com/christiankane
- http://www.youtube.com/user/ChristianKane

And for more quotes:
- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Leverage
- http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/leverage/
- http://www.fanpop.com/spots/leverage/forum/post/42806/title/best-quotes
- http://sharetv.org/shows/leverage/quotes

Leverage airs at TNT, usually on Sunday's if I'm correct ;-).

The awesomeness of quotes pt 5

The Awesomeness of Quotes page continues with attention for the male sex. And who could be better than Buffy's own soulmate? After only three wonderful and thrilling seasons on Buffy the Vampire Slayer - as an impossible love - actor David Boreanaz continued his role as Angel in the spin-off with the same name. In contrast with Buffy, his show was much darker (noir if you will) and well, more manly. Fortunately creaters Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt wouldn't let the origin disappear, and had many guest appearences during it's five season run. Even though I'm not such a crazy fan of Angel as I am of Buffy, it's still a great show with memorable quotes. And precisely for that reason, I give you this:

Season 1

1x01 - City of

Angel: "Where's home?"
Tina: "Missoula, Montana. You've been to Missoula?"
Angel: "During the Depression. Uh, my depression. I was depressed there."

Cordelia: "So are you still [makes a vampire face] "grrr"?"

Angel: "Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that."

Cordelia: "I finally get invited to a nice place with no mirrors and lots of curtains. Hey, you're a vampire!"

Russell: "What? No, I'm not."

Cordelia: "Are too!"

Russell: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Cordelia: "I'm from Sunnydale. We had our own Hellmouth. I think I know a vampire when... I'm... alone with him... in his fortress-like home."

1x02 - Lonely Hearts 
Angel: "So what are you looking for?"
Kate: "Me? I guess it depends on how many daiquiris I've had. Wow, way to come off as a drunken slut."

[Doyle finds a bra in Cordelia's messy living room and holds it up.
Cordelia: "Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!""

1x03 - In the Dark

[Watching from on top of a building as Angel talks to a woman he just saved, Spike guesses what is being said.]

Spike: [as Rachel] "How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?"

[as Angel] "No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth."
[Rachel reaches for Angel's head] "No, not the hair. Never the hair."

[as Rachel] "But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?"

[as Angel] "No, helping those in need's my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough."

[as Rachel] "I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so..."

[as Angel] "Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away."

Or simply watch it here

1x04 - I Fall to Pieces 
Angel: "Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?"
Cordelia: "Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black a little, though."

Cordelia: [to Doyle] "You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard."

1x05 - Rm w/a Vu

Doyle: "If you ever want to, you know, spend one night away from the place, maybe give me a call."
Cordelia: "Well, stranger things have happened. No... wait... they really haven't."

1x06 - Sense & Sensitivity 
[Angel, Cordelia and Doyle have just broken in to a back room at the precinct. Angel climbs down and turns to look at the broken window.] 
Angel: "Wow. That's vandalism."
Doyle: "It's okay. We'll take care of it later."
Angel: "We should leave a note."
Cordelia: "Come on."
Angel: "What's the magic word?"
Cordelia: "Urgh!"
Angel: "I don't think 'urgh' is a magic word, if one could call it a word, and certainly not a magic one."
Cordelia: "We don't have time for this."
Angel: "There's always time to be considerate of others, Cordelia."
Cordelia: "Oh, please."
Angel: [smiles] "There. That wasn't so hard now was it?"

1x07 - Bachelor Party

Cordelia: "You were so... brave."
Doyle: "You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here."

1x08 - I Will Remember You

Cordelia: "Oh please. They've got the forbidden love of all time. They've been apart for months, now he's suddenly human? I'm sure they're down there just havin' tea and crackers."

1x09 - Hero 
[Doyle returns from a dangerous task.] 
Cordelia: "You're alive!"
Doyle: "And you're not happy?"
Cordelia: "We were worried."
Doyle: "Oh! Well, it's all gonna be okay n... [Cordelia slaps him] ...What was that for?"
Cordelia: "Why didn't you tell me you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!"
Doyle: "I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me."
Cordelia: "I rejected you way before now! So you're half demon! Big whoop!! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hel-lo?"
Doyle: "It's true. I just..."
Cordelia: "What do you think I am, superficial? I mean, you're half demon. That's so far down the list. Way under 'short.' And 'poor.' Is there anything else I should know?"
Doyle: "The half demon thing? Pretty much my big secret."
Cordelia: "Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner, already?"

1x10 - Parting Gifts

Wesley: "I'm a rogue demon hunter now."

Cordelia: "Wow. [Pause] What's a rogue demon?"

Cordelia: "Do you even know where you're headed?"
Wesley: "Rogue Demon Hunters rarely do. Wherever evil lurks, wherever the forces of darkness threaten humanity, that's where I'll be."
Cordelia: "Oh, okay. Well, keep in touch."

1x11 - Somnabulist

Cordelia: "Okay, you get to leave now. You're not gonna come in here and accuse Angel like this."
Wesley: "Cordelia."
Cordelia: "No! I don't care how many files you have on all the horrible things that he did back in the powdered wig days. He's good now. And he is my friend. And nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!"
Angel: "Cordelia. He's right."
Cordelia: "You stake him and I'll cut his head off."

Cordelia: "People really do change."

Angel: "Yes, they do. And sometimes they change back. If the day ever comes that I..."

Cordelia: "Oh, I'll kill you dead."

Angel: "Thanks."

1x12 - Expecting
Angel: "I really don't like it when people shoot me."

1x13 - She 
[Angel dutifully attends Cordelia's party.] 
Cordelia: "Hi! You having fun?"
Angel: "Sure. This is... um..."
Cordelia: "Your idea of hell."
Angel: "Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people."

1x14 - I've Got You Under My Skin

Cordelia: "What is this stuff anyway? It's kinda pretty."
Wesley: "It's the bodily excretion of an Ethros Demon."
Cordelia: "No one could have said 'demon poo' before I touched it?"

1x15 - The Prodigal

Angel: "This is strictly recon. I need to know exactly what we're dealing with before we make any moves."
Wesley: "Right you are. Deliberate, cautious approach would be the most sensible plan. "Fools rush in.""
Cordelia: "No, he wants you to stay here."

1x16 - The Ring

Cordelia: "Claws or hands?"
Wesley: "He wrote 'claw-like hands.'"
Cordelia: "Could be a mixed-breed. Smell?"
Wesley: "Sulfuric."
Cordelia: "Add a Porsche and hair plugs, and I've dated this guy. A lot."

1x17 - Eternity 
Wesley: "We're doomed."
Angel: "Maybe we can make a break for it."
Wesley: "Impossible."
Angel: "Front exit?"
Wesley: "We'd be spotted instantly."
Angel: "Back door?"
Wesley: "Blocked."
Angel: "That's it, then. We're trapped."
Wesley: "We could try shouting fire... [seats in a theater are shown] It's not technically a crowded theater."
Cordelia: [performing Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House" on stage] "'One day, I might, yes. Many years from now, when I've lost my looks a little. Do not laugh.'"
Wesley: [checks his watch] "Only another hour."
Cordelia: "'I mean of course, a time will come when Torvald is not... is not...' ..Line??"
Prompter: [whispers] "'is not as devoted to me'."
Wesley: "Perhaps two."
Cordelia: "What??"
Prompter: [whispers] "'is not as devoted to me'."
Cordelia: "'is not as devoted to me.'" [adds dramatic sob]
Angel: "And I thought I knew Eternity."

Again, you can see it for yourself

[A movie star wants Angel's help to protect her.]

Angel: "I can't take your case."

Cordelia: [in the outer office] "ARE YOU INSANE?!"

1x18 - Five by Five

Angel: "Giles said she left Sunnydale about a week ago. Described her mental state as borderline psychotic."
Cordelia: "That explains her outfit."

1x19 - Sanctuary

Buffy: "You hit me!"

Angel: "Well, not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first."

1x20 - War Zone

Cordelia: "You know, there's nothing like riding in a convertible with the top down to make you see the sun and sand. Mmmm. Smell that salt air."
Wesley: "That's not salt."
Cordelia: "I don't think it's air, either." 

1x21 - Blind Date

Gunn: "Whoo Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe em. Damn, here it is. Evil white folks really do have a mecca. Now, now, now girls, don't get all riled up. (screams) Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assulting me up in this haven of justice?! Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, y'all can cater to the demon... cater to the dead man... but what about the black man!?"

1x22 - To Shanshu in L.A. 
Cordelia: "I want to know what it says about me, if there's torrid romance in my future, massive wealth, if I have to I'll settle for enviable fame."
Wesley: "It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball."
Cordelia: "Nobody gets my humor."
Angel: "I thought it was funny."
Cordelia: "Oh."

Season 2

2x01 - Judgment

[Meeting Lorne for the first time]

Cordelia: "Who is this guy?"

Wesley: "He's anagogic."

Cordelia: "Really? He looks like he's eating enough."

 

[Angel is refusing to sing at Caritas]

Angel: "There are three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public."

2x02 - Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been 
Cordelia: "Something the matter?"
Angel: [looking at the dark liquid in his glass] "I, um, I think it's gone bad. It's starting to coagulate."
Cordelia: "Huh? No - that's cinnamon. [off Angel's look] What, I can't try something?"

Wesley: "I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back."

2x03 - First Impressions

Cordelia: "Maybe we can help."
Gunn: "You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C-3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense."
Wesley: "Very little taken."

2x04 - Untouched 
Wesley: "I am not a sheep!"
Cordelia: "You are such a sheep. You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book."
Wesley: "At least I've opened a book."
Cordelia: "Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!"
Wesley: "What class? Advanced bosoms?"

Angel: "What do we know about telekinesis?"
Wesley: "Ah yes, the power of moving things with one's mind. That's pretty much it. The power of.. moving.. I.. I'm better with demons, really."

2x05 - Dear Boy

Gunn: "As evil blood-sucking vampires go, how would you rate Angelus?"

Wesley: "Historically, as bad as they come. Especially when he was with his sire, Darla."

Cordelia: "We're researching her now to see if she has some kind of resurrection powers. Maybe she's a vampire cat with nine lives, or something!"

Gunn: "So he and Darla together, bad combo?"

Wesley: "They rampaged through half the known world until Angel got his soul."

Cordelia: "Imagine Bonnie and Clyde if they had 150 years to get it right."

Darla: "All you have do, is let me give you one little moment of happiness."
Angel: "You took me places, showed me things. You blew the top off my head. But you never made me happy."
Darla: "But that...that cheerleader did?"

Angel: "I smelled her, I know her scent."
Wesley: "You can't just..."
Angel: "You had sex last night with a bleached blonde."
Wesley: "Good Lord!"

2x06 - Guise Will Be Guise 
[The team is at Caritas, a karaoke bar favored by demons.] 
Gunn: "Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?"
Cordelia: "Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!"

2x07 - Darla

Cordelia: "And this would be the same woman you didn't notice was in your bedroom every night for like three weeks straight?"
Angel: "That was different."
Cordelia: "Different in the sitting-right-on-top-of-you sense, yeah."
Wesley: "Cordelia has a point."
Cordelia: "Finally!"
Wesley: "The last time Darla emerged she wanted to be found. Now she is out there among six million other people."
Cordelia: "She could be sitting on top of anybody."

2x08 - Shroud of Ramon 
[Cordelia has dyed her hair black.] 
Wesley: "What happened to your head?"
Cordelia: "Excuse me?"
Wesley: "Your hair. It's.. new. It's great. When did this happen?"
Cordelia: "Ten days ago."

2x09 - The Trial 
[Angel has brought a terminally ill human Darla to the Hyperion Hotel] 
Cordelia: [to Darla] "First up, you're a prisoner."
Wesley: "I'd have to concur with that, yes."
Cordelia: "See, you've got our friend all in knots."
Wesley: "Can't say we like you much."
Cordelia: "So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you."
Wesley: "On the head."
Cordelia: "With very large and heavy objects. Okay?"

2x10 - Reunion 
Drusilla: "I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century."
Angel: "It's the twenty-first century, Dru."
Drusilla: "Hmm, I'm still lagging."

Drusilla: "Ooh. I'm ringing. - Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over! [Darla grabs the phone from Drusilla's cleavage] Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." 

2x11 - Redefinition

Cordelia: "What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?"
Wesley: "I believe we were fired."
Gunn: "Canned."
Wesley: "Let go."
Gunn: "Axed."
Wesley: "Shown the door."
Gunn: "Booted."
Cordelia: "All right! I get it. But what just happened?"
Gunn: "You got a thesaurus in there?"

2x12 - Blood Money

Angel: "The game. It's actually kind of fun when you know the rules. I mean, when you know - that there aren't any. You screw with me, and you screw with me, and... you screw with me. And now - I get to screw with you."
Lilah: "Uh..."
Angel: "That's gonna be great!"
Lilah: "Angel, please..."
Angel: "No. No. No. No. The begging - that comes later."

2x13 - Happy Anniversary

Gunn: "Yeah. And don't try to tell us there is no way to go but up, because the truth is there is always more down."
Virginia: "Oh! And that was very well said by the way. But I found a case for you. A client. A rich one."
Wesley: "Really?"
Cordelia: "And this isn't the first thing you say when you come in the room?"
Virginia: "Well, I got distracted by your waves of desperation."

2x14 - The Thin Dead Line

Cordelia: "This is no time for circuits busy! So, don't tell me circuits are busy. If the circuits are busy - get some new circuits now!"

2x15 - Reprise 
Cordelia: "I don't even know what you are anymore."
Angel: "I'm a vampire. Look it up!"

2x16 - Epiphany

Darla: "But we..."
Angel: "Yes..."
Darla: "...and you..."
Angel: "I know..."
Darla: "Then I..."
Angel: "Three times..."
Darla: "You're not evil?"

2x17 - Disharmony

Wesley: "And I'd love a cup of coffee."
Angel: "Very funny."
Cordelia: "Two sugars in mine."
Angel: "Man, atonement's a bitch."

Willow: "Okay, we are clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?"
Cordelia: "Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she- Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she was a great big lesbo. [Pauses, most likely listening to Willow's news that she is in a relationship with a girl] Oh... good for you then."

Here´s another fun one for ya!

 

2x18 - Dead End 
Angel: "I'm just here to say bon voyage and don't come back."
Lindsey: "To L.A.? Nah, you can have this place."
Angel: "Good, I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here."
Lindsey: "The key to Wolfram & Hart- don't let them make you play their game. You gotta make them play yours."
Angel: "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Don't drive too fast. Lot of cops out there. [Lindsey drives away with a "Cops Suck" sign on the back of his truck]"

2x19 - Belonging 
[Wesley and Angel just came back from fighting a Haklar.] 
Cordelia: "How was the big fight? All big and fighty?"
Wesley: "We managed to kill the Haklar just as it was about to devour a group of power walkers."
Angel: "It was horrible."
Cordelia: "I know. I saw it in my stupid vision, remember?"
Angel: "No, not the Haklar, the power walkers. I mean, walking I get, but power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time?"
[Cordelia looks at Angel strangely.]
Angel: "Weird. Plus, one of them hit him." (Points to Wesley, whose forehead is injured.)
Cordelia: (gasps) "A power walker did that?"
Wesley: "Apparently, she felt I'd disrespected the Haklar's culture by killing it."
Cordelia: "This town sucks."

2x20 - Over the Rainbow

[Sunlight in Pylea doesn't harm vampires]

Angel: "Can everybody just notice how much fire I'm not on?"

2x21 - Through the Looking Glass 
[Wesley and Gunn have been captured and are about to be executed .] 
Gunn: "I've got a plan."
Wesley: "Oh thank god! What is it?"
Gunn: "We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus."

2x22 - There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Crowd: [bowing as Cordelia walks by] "Your Majesty."
Wesley: "Should people be bowing in a free society?"
Cordelia: "These things take time."

Season 3

3x01 - Heartthrob

Cordelia: "You guys amaze me. You'll fight hell beasts but you're scared of rats."
Gunn: "Hate rats. Their beady eyes -"
Wesley: "And their beady teeth --"
Gunn: "-- and their tails all woosha-woosha-woosha -"

Cordelia: "It's gorgeous! Look how it brings out my breasts! Like you weren't all thinkin' it."

3x02 - That Vision Thing 
Angel: "Fred! Good to see you out and about."
Fred: "It is isn't it. Out and about. I've been forkin' with Gunn."
  
Cordelia: "I'm right as rain."
Fred: "I never understood that saying-right as rain. How is rain right? Or wrong for that matter? Okay, I suppose if there's a flood it's wrong, and speaking of floods, or just being overwhelmed, what's it like to have a vision?"
Cordelia: "Wow. Y'know, next to you, I am downright linear."

3x03 - That Old Gang of Mine 
[Fred is onstage at a karaoke bar, singing "Crazy".] 
Cordelia: "I swear, she picked out the song herself."

3x04 - Carpe Noctem

Fred: "Why do girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave, starving. What's their excuse?"
Cordelia: "Fashion."

3x05 - Fredless

Cordelia: "Lemme break this down for you, Fred. (Being Buffy) Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together, but --"
Wesley: (Being Angel) "But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth. Oh Buffy --"
Cordelia: "Yes, Angel?"
Wesley: "I love you so much I almost forgot to brood."
Cordelia: "And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean we can't be friends."
Wesley: "Or possibly more?"
Cordelia: "Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!"
Wesley: "To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!"
Cordelia: "Bite me!"
Angel: "How 'bout you both bite me?"

Because it´s so funny, also in sound and image

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr7JSUIIQE

Angel: "What I meant was... I'm gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet kind of crazy. I found it soothing."
Cordelia: "And what, I'm not soothing? I can be soothing. I could soothe your ass off, pal."

3x06 - Billy

Cordelia: "Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me."

3x07 - Offspring

Cordelia: "Hey, what are friends for?"
Darla: "If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry."

3x08 - Quickening

Angel: "Flamethrower? No, no. There'll be no throwing of flames. Nobody's gonna do anything until we know exactly what's going on. Now, if anybody has a problem with that they should leave - now."
[Darla starts to leave]
Angel: "Not you."

Cordelia: "You want me to protect the vampire bitch who bit me and her evil love child?[Cordy clocks Darla] Okay, I'm in."

Just some bloopers from this season to spice it up a little

3x09 - Lullaby 
Gavin: [About Linwood] "He's gonna crucify us."
Lilah: "They don't crucify here. It's too Christian."

3x10 - Dad

Gunn: "What are you doing?"
Wesley: "Trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?"
Gunn: "Austin Stoker, Assault on Precinct Thirteen."
Cordelia: "If we live through this, trade in your DVD Players and get a life."

3x11 - Birthday 
Cordelia: "You're - you're - death? You've come to take me."
Skip: [bursts out laughing] "Kidding. [Offers hand] I'm Skip. [She doesn't shake it] You're Cordelia Chase, right? [Cordelia nods slightly] Sorry it took me so long, I... [indicates her body] this you? Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves. You know, straighten the nose, lose the gray, sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't ya?"

3x12 - Provider 
Wesley: [about his web articles on DNA Fusion Comparisons and Tri-ped Demon Populations] "It's an exciting arena."
Lorne: "But one I'm sure we can all download at: I'll-never-know-the-love-of-a-woman-dot-com. Can we get down to business?"

3x13 - Waiting in the Wings

Angel: "I saw their production of "Giselle" in 1890. I wept like a baby, and I was evil!"

3x14 - Couplet

Groosalugg/Groo: [upon hearing Angel's cellphone] "Angel, your coat is singing."

3x15 - Loyalty

Gunn: "I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?"
Fred: "It's not that hard, really. All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information. Except that would just be high-tech robbery."
Angel: "I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers."
Fred: "Oh. Low-tech robbery."

3x16 - Sleep Tight 
Lilah: "Like a cat. Can't hear you. But I'm starting to feel you when you're near. Isn't that nice and creepy? How did you find me?"
Angel: "Your assistant."
Lilah: "I'll have his arms broken."
Angel: "Already taken care of."

Sahjhan: "I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy."
Angel: "Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing."

3x17 - Forgiving

Sahjhan: (after Fred hits him with a torch) "Do I look like I need more skin problems?" 

3x18 - Double or Nothing

Fred: "What? No! This is worse! Much worse! I wish he had broken up with me!"
Cordelia: "Fred, I hate to say this, but... are you sure he didn't? I mean, those things you said he said to you..."
Fred: "I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me!"
Cordelia: "Those things he said?"
Fred: "Exactly! That's how I know he's in trouble!" 

Fred: "Don't forget your machete."
Gunn: "Yes, dear."

Groo: "He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon."
Lorne: "I'm not touchin' that one."

3x19 - The Price

Groo: "You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion -- Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words..."
Angel: "Mmo-kay..."
Groo: ""Pomegranate Mist" is the wrong color for this room."

3x20 - A New World

Gunn: "Couple of weeks ago he was wearing diapers. Now he's a teenager?"
Cordelia: "Tell me we don't live in a soap opera."

3x21 - Benediction

Angel: "It's kinda my job. Look, this shouldn't take too long. But it could be pretty dangerous. There's usually violence and killing, so... Wanna come?" 

3x22 - Tomorrow 

Cordelia: "Well, what about rebuilding your club here?"
Lorne: "Well, that's a great idea, pixiecat, except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it."
Cordelia: "It was only (pauses and looks ashamed) three times."

Season 4

4x01 - Deep Down

Angel: "What you did to me was unbelievable, Connor. But then I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective." 

4x02 - Ground State 

[Angel and Gunn are using a rope to climb up the side of a building.]
Gunn: "Damn! This is so much harder than it looks on Batman."

Angel: "Tell me you're not here for the Axis."
Gwen: "I'm not here for the Axis."
Angel: "You're lying."
Gwen: "I'm fibbing. It's lying, only classier."

4x03 - The House Always Wins 
[Lorne is the headline act at a Las Vegas casino.] 
Gunn: "Nobody seems to be bothered by the fact that he's a demon."
Fred: "They must think it's all makeup, like the Blue Man Group. You don't think… the Blue Man Group…"
Angel: "Only two of them."

4x04 - Slouching Toward Bethlehem

Cordelia: "Wow. How did I - ? I am a spy. I get it now. You're all spies. Probably all Russian. And you've brainwashed me, and want me to believe we're friends so I'll spill the beans about some nano-techno-thingy that you want."
Gunn: "So... I look Russian to you?"
Cordelia: "Black Russian."
Angel: "That's a drink."
Cordelia: "Says the head spy."

4x05 - Supersymmetry

Angel: "They talk about me in the chatty rooms?"

Fred: "You know what they say about payback? Well, I'm the bitch."

4x06 - Spin the Bottle 
Cordelia [seeing Angel for the first time]: "Hello, salty goodness!"
(The exact line she said the first time she saw Angel in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

[Wesley and Gunn are wrestling.] 

Cordelia: [to Angel] "Are you going to stop this?"

Angel: "High time the English got what's coming to 'em. I'm rooting for the slave!"

Sorry for the bad quality

4x07 - Apocalypse, Nowish

Angel: "The enemy of my enemy..."

Lilah: "Can kiss my ass too."

4x08 - Habeas Corpses 
Connor: "What's a zombie?"
Angel: "It's an undead thing."
Connor: "Like you?"
Angel: "No, zombies are slow-moving, dimwitted things that crave human flesh."
Connor: "Like you."

4x09 - Long Day's Journey 
Gwen: "Demon, okay? The whole nine: cloven feet and horns and teeth and… he wasn't wearing lamé, though."
Lorne: "Yeah, the evil ones can't pull it off. It gets camp."

4x10 - Awakening

Lorne: "Hey, listen, Angelcakes, if it's all the same with you, I think I might sit this one out upstairs. You know how dark magick unleashing unspeakable evil gives me the heebies."

Cordelia: "We just gotta find a way to bring back the sun."
Fred: "Working on it. Failing miserably, but working on it."

4x11 - Soulless

Angelus: "Screwing your mom and trying to kill your dad? Hmm, there should be a play." 

4x12 - Calvary

Lilah: "Don't go Watchtower on me, Saint Cordelia. I don't think I could stomach it."
Cordelia: "Man, I'd love to punch your face in."
Lilah: "Are you trying to turn me on?"

4x13 - Salvage

Faith: "Angel's got a kid?"
Wesley: "Connor."
Faith: "A teenage kid... born last year."
Wesley: "I told you. He grew up in a hell dimension."
Faith: "Right. And what? Cordelia spend her last summer as...?"
Wesley: "A divine being."
Faith: "Uh-huh. Can I just ask... what the hell are you people doing?"
Wesley: "Leading complicated lives, obviously."

Wesley: "Feel natural?"
Faith: "Eh, it's like riding a biker."

4x14 - Release

Gunn: "All I'm saying is, he tries dancing in here and pulling a Dark Shadows again, he's gonna get a dart up his evil ass."
Fred: "Well, his ass moves pretty quick."

4x15 - Orpheus

Angel: "I'm not perfect, Faith. Even with a soul I've done things I've wished a thousand times I could take back."
Angelus: "Yeah, like those Manilow concerts, you son of a bitch!"

Willow: "You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son."

Connor: "It's Connor."

Willow: "And the sneer's genetic. Who knew?"

Willow: "I flayed a guy alive and tried to destroy the world."
Wesley: "Oh. So..."
Willow: "Darkness. Been there."
Wesley: "Yes. Well, I never... flayed. I had a woman chained in a closet."
Willow: "Oh, well, hey!"
Wesley: "Nah, it doesn't compare."
Willow: "No, dark! That's dark. You've been to a place..."

Angel: "How are you feeling?"
Faith: "Like I did mushrooms and got eaten by a bear."

4x16 - Players

Gunn: "Morimoto-san. Konbanwa."
Morimoto: "Konbanwa. Okoshi kudasai arigato gozaimasu."
Gunn: "Sorry, didn't follow that last bit. Shot my entire Japanese vocabulary when I said hello."

4x17 - Inside Out

Gunn: "Whoa. Back it up for the new guy. You saying poppin' mama threw you a beating?"
Lorne: "Kid Vicious did the heavy lifting. Cordy just mwa-ha-ha'd at us."

4x18 - Shiny Happy People 
Connor: "Kill? No. No killing."
Gunn: "Since when?"
Angel: "Since we've all been saved."
Fred: "Oh, well, that's, uh, crazy talk."
Angel: (to Connor) "They don't understand."
Connor: "No."
Angel: "We don't want to kill her. (takes the axe away from Wesley) We just want to find her so we can worship her. That's all."

4x19 - The Magic Bullet 
Angel: "She's right. There's work to do here. We have a hotel full of people, people who have needs."
Lorne: "You know what they say about people who need people..."
Connor: "They're the luckiest people in the world."
Lorne: "You been sneaking peeks at my Streisand collection again, kiddo?"
Connor: "Just kinda popped out."

Connor: "I'll kill you!"
Angel: "It'll pass."
Lorne: "Right. 'Cause Lord knows he's never tried that before."

Demon: "I eat fish and occasionally vermin, but that's it, I swear! You believe me, don't you?"
Fred: "You're still breathing, aren't you?"
Demon: "More like hyperventilating. You scared the cream cheese outta me."

4x20 - Sacrifice

Lorne: "Well, talk about media bias. Well, not that I wanna talk about media bias. It seems rather moot right now. Speakin' of moot, what about us? Anyone else feel like the last feisty wife in Stepford?" 

4x21 - Peace Out

Angel: "Maybe not. But I'll die before I let you hurt anyone else."
Jasmine: "You're already dead!"
Angel: "You know what I mean."

4x22 - Home

Gunn: "You wanna give us your evil law firm..? We ain't lawyers!"
Fred: "Or evil. Currently."

Lilah: "That nifty little bauble comes with the file. Apparently it's crucial for some kind of "final battle." Guess they're in short supply up Sunnydale way. Bit gauche for my taste, but hey -- not a Slayer."
Angel: "Buffy can handle herself."
Lilah: "But isn't it more fun when you handle her?"

Some more bloopers, from season four this time

Season 5

5x01 - Conviction 
Wesley: "I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?""
Fred: "What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?"
Wesley: "Your run-on sentences have gotten a lot less pointless."
Fred: "Oh, that's so sweet. And a tad condescending."

Gunn: "How's Fred doing?""
Wesley: "I'm sure "Knoxy" will take wonderful care of her. Don't you think it's a bit unseemly adding y's to the ends of people's names?"
Gunn: "Does that mean I have to call you "Westle"?"

Harmony: "Hey! Boss."
Angel: "You're my secretary?"
Harmony: "Hello! "Assistant.""
Angel: "Explain why I shouldn't kill you."
Harmony: "Secretary's fine..."

5x02 - Just Rewards

Angel: "Spike, I'm in a meeting."
Spike: "Hmm? Oh, sorry. Didn't care."

Butler: "Do you have an appointment with Mr. Hainsley?"
Spike: "Let's just say he sent us an invitation."
Angel: "We're-- I'm from Wolfram & Hart."
Spike: "I'm his date."

5x03 - Unleashed

Angel: "I'm not gonna sing."
Lorne: "Couldn't bear it if you did."

5x04 - Hell Bound
Angel: "And your hair. What color do they call that? Radioactive?"

Spike: "Never much cared for you, Liam. Even when we were evil."
Angel: "Cared for you less."
Spike: "Fine."
Angel: "Good. There was one thing about you..."
Spike: "Really?
Angel: "Yeah, I never told anybody about this, but I...I liked your poems."
Spike: "You like Barry Manilow!"

5x05 - Life of the Party

Harmony: "Good luck: the morale around here stinks."
Angel: "What?
Harmony: "Uh-huh. Everybody thinks you suck... Well, come on, boss. They're all out there, sweating through their Matsutas, worried if you're gonna axe them or, you know, axe them."

5x06 - The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

Wesley: "The police are on it, but my sense is it's more demonic than some murderous nut job."
Spike: "So we're ruling out demonic nut jobs, then are we?"

5x07 - Lineage

Angel (holding out his hand): "I'm Angel. Pleasure to meet you."
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: "Do you really expect me to shake that?"
Angel: "I'm not real comfortable with hugging."

Fred: "This thing really blurs the line between human and robot."
Spike: "AHA! So you're not ruling out that a human being could've boffed a robot... Sex with robots is more common than most people think."

5x08 - Destiny 
Spike: [yelling after Angel] "Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!"
Harmony: "Well, that explains a lot."

[Thinking he is still incorporeal, Spike runs into a door]
Spike: "Bugger, that hurt!"

5x09 - Harm's Way  
Harmony: [to Fred] "We're totally bonding. We're like gal pals. This is awesome. You can teach me about life, and I can teach you how to dress better."

5x10 - Soul Purpose 
Woman in alley: "Thank you! Thank you! That thing was going to kill me!"
Spike: "Well, what did you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood - I've got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit."
Woman in alley: "What?"
Spike: "I mean honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take two steps and break your bloody ankle."
Woman in alley: [annoyed] "I was just trying to get home."
Spike: "Well, get a cab, you moron, and on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van!"

5x11 - Damage 
[Angel shows up just in time to see Spike being thrown from a window]
Angel: "What happened?"
Spike: "Oh, I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected."

Andrew: "Mr. Giles and a few key Sunnydale alum have been tracking down the recently chosen, guiding them, training them, giving them the full X-Men, minus the crappy third act. But this Dana girl, she's an anomaly that no one could have foreseen. Tortured, traumatized, driven insane by Yoda knows who."

5x12 - You're Welcome

Cordelia: "Spike's a hero and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated. What frickin' bizzaro world did I wake up in?"

[After Angel stops Spike from biting Cordelia]
Spike: "She's evil, you gormless tit!"
Cordelia: "Excuse me? Who bit whom?"
Angel: "Did you call me a tit?"
Cordelia: "I thought he had a soul."
Spike: "I thought she didn't."
Cordelia: "I do."
Spike: "So do I."
Cordelia: "Well, clearly mine's better!"

5x13 - Why We Fight 
Angel: "You're a Nazi?"
Spike: [Wearing a Nazi jacket] "What? Oh. No, I just ate one."

5x14 - Smile Time

Spike: "Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink..."
Angel: "Spike..."
Spike: "Look at you."
Angel: "Just turn around and walk away."
Spike: "You're a--"
Angel: "Spike!"
Spike: "You're a bloody puppet! You're a wee, little puppet man!"

Wait...this one is so funny, you have to see it for yourself!

P.s. The Angel puppet is just to cute!!!!!!

5x15 - A Hole in the World 
Spike: "Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start."
Angel: "Look, I can't do this anymore."
Spike: "Admitting defeat, are you?"
Angel: "You and me. This isn't working out."
Spike: [mock-dramatic] "Are you saying we should start annoying other people?"

5x16 - Shells

Angel: "Any idea how she got past you?"

Gunn: "One second she was standing there, the next, poof."

Angel: "She's a teleporter?"

Wesley: "I don't think so. No characteristic displacement of the atmosphere around her."

Spike: "I fancied I saw a blur just before she went Houdini."

Gunn: "Yeah, like she was pulling a Barry Allen. [Angel looks at him, not recognizing the name; Gunn looks around at the others] Jay Garrick? Wally— Like she was moving really fast." 

5x17 - Underneath

Illyria: [after killing a guard and tossing the body aside] Y"our race is weak. How did you get to control all this?"

Knox: "Opposable thumbs?"

Illyria: "I walked worlds of smoke and half-truths, intangible. Worlds of torment and of unnamable beauty. Opaline towers as high as small moons. Glaciers that rippled with insensate lust... And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly." 

5x18 - Origin

[Spike crashes to the floor and sits up looking furious.]

Spike: "Right! We are gonna set some ground rules. Number one - don't hit me in the face. Number two - when I hit you in the face, you tell me how it feels, so I can write that on my clipboard. Number three (holds up the clipboard) don't touch my clipboard."

5x19 - Time Bomb
Illyria: "When the world met me, it shuddered, groaned. It knelt at my feet."
Spike: ""Dear Penthouse, I don't normally write letters like this, but—""
Illyria: [punches him in the face] "Illyria was all they needed to know."
Spike: "Then came the Internet."

5x20 - The Girl in Question 
Angel: "I helped save the world, you know."
Spike: "Like I haven't."
Angel: "Yeah, but I've done it a lot more."
Spike: "Oh, please."
Angel: "Closed the Hellmouth."
Spike: "I've done that."
Angel: "Yeah, but you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the Mayor, and uhm... Jasmine."
Spike: "Do those really count as saving the world?"
Angel: "I stopped Acathla. That saved the world."
Spike: "Buffy ran you through with a sword."
Angel: "Yeah, but I made her do it. Signalled her with my eyes."
Spike: "She killed you. I helped her. That one counts as mine."

Great vid!

5x21 - Power Play

Lindsey: "It's a secret society."
Gunn: "Never heard of them."
Lindsey: "That's because they're secret."

5x22 - Not Fade Away

Angel: "This may come out a little pretentious, but... one of you will betray me."
[Spike raises his hand eagerly.]
Angel: "Wes..."
Spike: [disappointed] "Oh... [enthusiastically] Can I deny you three times?"

Lindsey: "If you want me on your team Angel, I'm on your team."

Angel: "I want you, Lindsey."

[He pauses and they exchange a look.]

Angel: "I'm thinking about rephrasing that."

Lindsey: "Would you? I'd be more comfortable."

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That's it folks ;-). Though if you are interested in more, I bet you know what I'm gonna say: Time for a (re)watch of Angel the series or simply check some of these sites out below. I also want to take this opportunity to thank the entire cast and crew of Angel for making these great quotes possible, especially Joss Whedon!

For more, check out these websites:

- http://www.moviemistakes.com/tv3214/quotes

- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Angel_%28TV_series%29

- http://www.secretsofangel.com/quotesa2.html

- http://www.neloo.com/lines/quotes.htm