1x01 - Flowers for Your Grave
Castle: (to Alexis) "When I was your age I... wait. I can't tell that story. It's wildly inappropriate. Which, oddly enough, is my point. Don't you want wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children?"
Alexis: "If I'm gonna have to keep bailing you out, you're going to have to raise my allowance... a lot."
Beckett: "Detective Kate Beckett NYPD."
Castle: "Richard Castle, just NY."
Castle: "Did you know in the original Greek, 'tragedy' literally means 'goat song'? ...Whatever that first story was, I can't help but think, bad things must have happened to that goat."
1x04 - Hell Hath No Fury
Castle: "Oh my god. This is quite possibly the worst coffee I've ever tasted. It's actually kind of facinatiing. It tastes like a... (pauses to sip the coffee) it tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid. Try some?"
Castle: "Hiding would be building a fortress out of my comforter and downing a fifth of scotch, but apparently that's considered unhealthy."
1x05 - A Chill Goes Through Her Veins
Beckett: [about a frozen body] "She's melting."
Castle: "Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers."
Castle: "All right, so you and I are married."
Beckett: "We are not married."
Castle: "Relax, it's just pretend."
Beckett: "I don't wanna pretend."
Castle: "Scared you'll like it?"
Beckett: "Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce."
Apartment guy: "Are you two like this all the time?"
Castle and Beckett: "Yes."
1x06 - Always Buy Retail
Beckett: "Castle, are you having a breakdown?"
Castle: "Not a breakdown a breakthrough. I really am ruggedly handsome aren't I?"
Beckett: "I'm waiting for the breakthrough."
Castle: "This is Detective Castle to all units: That's a negatory on the backup. This dirtbag's all mine."
1x08 - Ghosts
Castle: "If we're going to road trip, I'm going to have to pee first."
1x09 - Little Girl Lost
Castle: "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"
Beckett: "In your dreams Castle."
Castle: "No, in my dreams your never jealous you just join in."
Beckett: "6 months."
Castle: "6 months….what?"
Beckett: "We dated for 6 months."
Castle: "I didn’t ask."
Beckett: "Yeah, I know, you were not asking very loudly."
Castle: "I know, I'm like a Jedi like that."
Castle: "Nice guy. I can see why it wouldn't work though."
Beckett: "Oh yeah?"
Castle: "Yeah. Handsome, strong jawed, rule follower."
Beckett: "And that's a bad thing?"
Castle: "Yes. He's the male version of you. Ying needs yang not another ying. Ying yang is harmony Ying Ying is a name for a panda."
Castle: "Is that supposed to be an insult? Because Nancy Drew solved every case."
Castle (in response to Sorenson's question about why he needs to shadow a real detective): "Well, the ones on TV seem oddly fixated on their sunglasses."
Martha: "Freud was an addict but that didn't stop him from helping people."
1x10 - A Death in the Family
Beckett: "Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?"
Castle: "Biological. We can't help it."
Beckett: "But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?"
Castle: (Pauses) "Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents."
2x01 - Deep in Death
Castle: "Hey! Can we talk about this, please?"
Beckett: "There's nothing to talk about."
Castle: "Well, at least let me know what I can do to make it up to you."
Beckett: "You can leave me alone."
Castle: "Yes, I tried that and it didn't work. Hey! I can buy you a pony!"
Beckett: "Sometimes when I am bored, I go to cafe in little Odesa and pretend to be Moskevite."
Esposito: "That's kinda hot."
2x02 - The Double Down
Castle: "Bam said the lady."
2x03 - Inventing the Girl
Rina: "Oh. You don't remember me."
Castle: "Yes, of course I do. Yeah! You're--"
Castle: "Rina! Yes, we met at that party with that, that thing that was late, it was crazy that...wow, what a night."
2x04 - Fool me Once
Castle: "That was awesome! I mean, well, obviously it was horrible, but... "
2x05 - When the Bough Breaks
[Castle has arrived late to a crime scene]
Esposito: "Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'."
Ryan: "Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten."
Ryan: "Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime."
Esposito: "Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there."
Castle: [Catching on] "Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?"
Castle: "Okay, thank you. An adult."
Beckett: "Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them."
Castle: "You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?"
Ryan: "We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon."
Castle: "What was the murder weapon, by the way?"
Ryan: "Some kind of death ray."
Esposito: "Turns your insides out."
2x06 - Vampire Weekend
Beckett: "What happened to him?"
Castle: "They never found out."
Beckett: "I am so sorry Castle that must have been really hard."
(Castle gives a sly smile)
Beckett: "You made that up!?"
Castle: 'It's what I do!"
Castle to Beckett: "What I said was not confusing enough for your face to be doing what it's doing."
Alexis: "Looking good, Grams! A date?"
Martha: "Dining and dancing with Chet Palaburn."
Castle: "What if he turns out to be bloated and ugly?"
Martha: "Oh! How superficial do you think I am?"
2x09 - Love Me Dead
Beckett: "For what?"
Castle: "For not saying I told you so."
Beckett: "Oh, that starts tomorrow."
2x10 - One Man's Treasure
Lanie: "Do you know how long I have to shower before heading out on a date?"
Castle: "No, but if you need someone to time it for you, I'd be happy to--"
Castle: "That ever happen to you with me? One day you look and you see your boy is all grown up?"
Martha: "I'm still waiting for that moment, actually."
Castle: "I set you up for that, didn't I?"
Montgomery: "Is that our vic's wife?"
Castle: "The wife is over there."
Montgomery: "Come again?"
Castle and Beckett: "Wife (tilts heads to the left), fiancée (tilts heads to the right)."
2x11 - The Fifth Bullet
Castle: "See, judging and disapproving, you are so my work wife."
Kyra Blaine (played by Alyssa Milano): "Of all the murders, in all the cites, at all the weddings, you walk into mine."
2x13 - Sucker Punch
Castle: "Are you OK?"
Beckett: "Ten years since we came home and found that detective waiting for us. Ten years since we crossed that yellow tape and went into that alley and every time I cross the tape at crime scene I think of that night."
Castle: "And that’s what makes you such a good cop."
Beckett: "What if I let her down?"
Castle: "Do you know why I chose you as my inspiration for Nikki Heat?"
Beckett: "No. Why?"
Castle: "‘Cause you’re tall."
2x14 - The Third Man
Beckett: "I have no life."
Lanie: "No, Mr. Bishop has no life. That's why he's on my table."
Beckett (to Castle): "That was Joe frickin' Torre! I've got to call my dad."
2x16 - The Mistress Always Spanks Twice
Castle: "Did you just use the word "veritable" in a sentence?"
Beckett: "Yes, I did."
Beckett: "You should hear me say 'fallacious'."
Esposito: "Pancakes is not just breakfast. It's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you so much for last night'."
2x18 - Boom! (2)
Castle: "Every Sunday, my mom had me make her an ice pack and a Bloody Mary."
Castle: "Are you in any pain?"
Beckett: "Well, not nearly as much as you. It's killing you, isn't it?"
Beckett: "Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door."
Castle: "You want me to start from the beginning?"
Castle: "I was aiming for his head."
Beckett: "Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum?"
Castle: "They have dinosaurs there!"
Castle: "You sure you want to take that many books?"
Alexis: "Overambitious for a 5 day trip?"
Castle: "You're gonna be responsible for your own pack. I think you're supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages the trees might want revenge."
Ryan (to Esposito): "I'm your partner. That means I'm with you until the wheels fall off."
2x22 - Food to Die For
Alexis: "Stupid glass."
Castle: "Remind me to buy smarter glasses."
Castle: (looks at a police sketch of a potential witness) "Looks kinda sketchy to me."
2x23 - Overkill
Beckett: "I cannot believe you asked for samples."
Castle: "What they said anything we want plus these aren't for me they are for Ryan and Esposito."
Beckett: "Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?"
Castle: "Wait that would make me Carrie."
Beckett: "You are so metrosexual for even knowing that."
Castle: "Hey, I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mom had it on.... that didn't make my point quite like i wanted it to."
Alexis: "I know. I’m a huge disappointment."
Beckett: "Wow, Castle, you are working really hard to see me in a swimsuit."
Castle: "If you’re not comfortable in a swimsuit, you can just skinny dip."
Beckett: (to a guy who just threw Castle up against a wall) "NYPD! Hands up."
(Castle raises his hands)
Beckett: "Not you, Castle."
Alexis: "Well... Looks like I'm not the only one getting lucky this summer...(Castle glares at Alexis) Kidding! Kidding! I'm just-I'm just kidding!"
Castle: "That's not funny. That's SO not funny."
3x01 - A Deadly Affair
Ryan (looking at cutout of Castle): "He really is ruggedly handsome."
Castle: "I am not saying I can speak with the dead, just that there are people in the world more sensitive than me."
Beckett: "Now that's not hard to believe."
Castle: "Walked right into that one."
Castle: "My Spidey-Sense is tingling."
Beckett: "I don't think you can handle the sight of me straddling it in tight black leather."
Castle: "You called to seek my council."
Castle: "Just saying, he was probably very comfortable when he was shot and killed."
Castle: "A 200 year old bullet can only mean one thing: time traveling killer!"
3x05 - Anatomy of Murder
Castle: "That totally makes him McSteamy."
Castle: "Turns out Greg isn't McDreamy or McSteamy...he's McSchemey."
Captain Montgomery: "Feds say he is a white male, 25 to 45 years old."
Castle: "Could be me."
Captain Montgomery: "With a dysfunctional relationship with his mother."
Castle: "Still me."
Captain Montgomery: "He has a menial unimportant job."
Beckett: "Definitely you."
Castle: "Just for that my next book is based on Esposito."
3x07 - Almost Famous
Martha: "Auditions are like men, there is always another one around the corner."
Castle: "What's the strangest pet you've ever had?"
Esposito: "Castle, just prove that ET did this, please."
Castle to Beckett: "Don't ruin my story with your logic."
Alexis (phone rings): "Pick it up, Dad, a murder will make you feel better."
Beckett: "Do I really do that?"
Castle: "Yes and it's adorable."
Beckett: "If it's so adorable why didn't you sleep with me? The her me not the me me."
Castle: "Oh well a fictional character that I wrote based on you played by Natalie Rhodes its just way to... Meta."
Castle: "You had your hand in my pocket and I didn't even feel it? Do it again!"
Captain: "You too, Castle. I don't need you playing Nancy Drew on this."
Castle: "Detective Beckett, did you call to tell me a bedtime story?"
Castle: "Shut the front door!"
3x16 - Setup
Castle: "For reasons too disturbing to mention, I find that hot."
3x17 - Countdown
Martha: "How old are you?"
Castle: "Old enough to afford top-of-the-line laser tag."
4x01 - Rise
Beckett: "Showing her up with the Mayor? You might as well have beaten a beehive with a bat."
Castle: "Worked didn’t it? Besides it sure was great seeing her face twitch like that."
4x02 - Heroes and Villains
Castle: "Our killer is a superhero!!"
Castle: "If you could be any comic book hero, who would you be?"
4x03 - Head Case
Castle: "Are you sure?"
Lanie: "No, I just sit down here and make stuff up all day."
4x04 - Kick the Ballistics
Castle: "Execution-style murder? Cement trucks? Can anyone else say mob hit? I’m looking at concrete evidence, right here."
Beckett: "Castle, we just got some bad news, so no hypotheticals. Just give us a name."
Castle: "Well, I have to start at the beginning."
Castle: "Chin Hai Lee Chang."
Beckett: "OK, start from the beginning."
4x05- Eye of the Beholder
Beckett: "You guys didn’t go out?"
Castle: "Because I can’t afford it. Museum just slapped me with a bill for the exhibit I broke." (He shows her the bill)
Castle: "I know! Think they’d cut me some slack after the whole ‘helping to solve the murder’ thing."
Beckett: "I guess the least the NYPD can do is take you out for a hamburger."
Castle: "I accept."
Beckett: "Let’s go."
Castle: "I could put Alexis through college on this."
Beckett: "Yeah, and med school."
Castle: "Thank God I’m rich."
4x06 - Demons
Alexis: "Dad, are you using me as a shield against flesh eating zombies?"
Castle: "No, I'm just trying to give you a better view."
Castle: "You? Skepticus Maximus?"
4x07 - Cops & Robbers
Esposito: "Hey Castle Jr., can you start acting like a cop?"
4x08 - Heartbreak Hotel
Castle: "Let's not let a little thing like murder get in the way of having a good time."
4x09 - Kill Shot
Castle: "Don't worry mother, I saw this work on Die Hard."
Castle: "I know what the paper dolls mean!"
Gates: "Mr. Castle, now is not the time for your theatrics."
4x10 - Cuffed
Castle: "We're in handcuffs. Kinky."
Castle (to Beckett): "You would make a terrible conjoined twin."
Castle: "More like sexpionage."
Martha: "That is unfortunate."
4x14 - The Blue Butterfly
Castle: "Bracing myself to shield you from a hail of bullets."
Gates: "No, I'm not."
Castle: "They are action figures."
4x22 -Undead Again
(Phone rings, Beckett calling) Wow, this really is a smart phone."