The awesomeness of quotes pt 4

After all those quotes from shows with female leads, I though it was time for something a little bit more masculine. And what's more masculine than Nathan Fillion? Right,  I wouldn't know either. So this quotes page will focus on his hit show of the moment: Castle. I really love his character, but the beauty of the show is that all of the characters are lovable. Another reason I love this show is because you really feel that the crew behind the series value their viewers. Unlike the previous shows that I quoted, this one is still going strong. So the quotes won't go further than season four for now. But I believe Castle will start again the 24th of September, so I might add some later ;-). That's enough talking. Let's get to the quotes!

Season 1

1x01 - Flowers for Your Grave
Castle: (to Alexis) "When I was your age I... wait. I can't tell that story. It's wildly inappropriate. Which, oddly enough, is my point. Don't you want wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children?"

Alexis: "If I'm gonna have to keep bailing you out, you're going to have to raise my allowance... a lot."

Beckett: "No signs of struggle. He knew her."
Lanie: "Even bought her flowers. Who says romance is dead?"
Beckett: "I do. Every Saturday night."
Lanie: "A little lipstick wouldn't hurt."

Castle (to Beckett): "I'd be happy to let you spank me."

Beckett: "Are you here to annoy me?"
Castle: "I'm here for the story."

Castle: "That's too easy. The reader would never buy it."
Beckett: "This isn't one of your books, Castle. Out here, we find a guy standing over a body with a gun, he's usually the guy who did it."

Esposito: (about Castle) "The man's got the Mayor on speed dial. The rich really are different."
Beckett: "You want him? He's yours."
Esposito: "A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week."

Castle: (Beckett grabs his nose) "Apples! Apples! Apples!"

1x02 - Nanny McDead

Beckett: "Detective Kate Beckett NYPD."
Castle: "Richard Castle, just NY."

 
Beckett: "Okay, Castle, but it's accompany and observe, not participate and annoy. Got it?"

Castle: "Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but alright."

Castle: (to Kate about marriage) "You'd be good at it. You're both controlling and disapproving. You should really try it."

Castle: "We could always make it strip poker."
Beckett: "Sorry, but I prefer mystery to horror."

Castle: "So. Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed."
Beckett: "Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow."

1x03 - Hedge Fund Homeboys

Castle: "Did you know in the original Greek, 'tragedy' literally means 'goat song'? ...Whatever that first story was, I can't help but think, bad things must have happened to that goat."

1x04 - Hell Hath No Fury
Castle: "Oh my god. This is quite possibly the worst coffee I've ever tasted. It's actually kind of facinatiing. It tastes like a... (pauses to sip the coffee) it tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid. Try some?"

Castle: "Hiding would be building a fortress out of my comforter and downing a fifth of scotch, but apparently that's considered unhealthy."

1x05 - A Chill Goes Through Her Veins
Beckett: [about a frozen body] "She's melting."
Castle: "Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers."

Castle: "All right, so you and I are married."
Beckett: "We are not married."
Castle: "Relax, it's just pretend."
Beckett: "I don't wanna pretend."
Castle: "Scared you'll like it?"
Beckett: "Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce."
Apartment guy: "Are you two like this all the time?"
Castle and Beckett: "Yes."

1x06 - Always Buy Retail
Beckett: "Castle, are you having a breakdown?"
Castle: "Not a breakdown a breakthrough. I really am ruggedly handsome aren't I?"
Beckett: "I'm waiting for the breakthrough."

1x07 - Home Is Where The Heart Stops

Castle: "This is Detective Castle to all units: That's a negatory on the backup. This dirtbag's all mine."

1x08 - Ghosts
Castle: "If we're going to road trip, I'm going to have to pee first."

1x09 - Little Girl Lost
Castle: "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"
Beckett: "In your dreams Castle."
Castle: "No, in my dreams your never jealous you just join in."

Beckett: "6 months."
Castle: "6 months….what?"
Beckett: "We dated for 6 months."
Castle: "I didn’t ask."
Beckett: "Yeah, I know, you were not asking very loudly."
Castle: "I know, I'm like a Jedi like that."

Castle: "Nice guy. I can see why it wouldn't work though."
Beckett: "Oh yeah?"
Castle: "Yeah. Handsome, strong jawed, rule follower."
Beckett: "And that's a bad thing?"
Castle: "Yes. He's the male version of you. Ying needs yang not another ying. Ying yang is harmony Ying Ying is a name for a panda."

Castle: "Is that supposed to be an insult? Because Nancy Drew solved every case."

Castle (in response to Sorenson's question about why he needs to shadow a real detective): "Well, the ones on TV seem oddly fixated on their sunglasses."

Martha: "Freud was an addict but that didn't stop him from helping people."

1x10 - A Death in the Family

Beckett: "Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?"
Castle: "Biological. We can't help it."
Beckett: "But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?"
Castle: (Pauses) "Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents." 

Season 2

2x01 - Deep in Death
Castle: "Hey! Can we talk about this, please?"
Beckett: "There's nothing to talk about."
Castle: "Well, at least let me know what I can do to make it up to you."
Beckett: "You can leave me alone."
Castle: "Yes, I tried that and it didn't work. Hey! I can buy you a pony!"

Beckett: "Sometimes when I am bored, I go to cafe in little Odesa and pretend to be Moskevite."
Esposito: "That's kinda hot."

Castle: "Me? Scared? No way, come on. Now excuse while I change my shorts."

2x02 - The Double Down
Castle: "Bam said the lady."

2x03 - Inventing the Girl
Rina: "Oh. You don't remember me."
Castle: "Yes, of course I do. Yeah! You're--"
Rina: "Rina."
Castle: "Rina! Yes, we met at that party with that, that thing that was late, it was crazy that...wow, what a night."

2x04 - Fool me Once
Castle: "That was awesome! I mean, well, obviously it was horrible, but... "

2x05 - When the Bough Breaks 
[Castle has arrived late to a crime scene]
Esposito: "Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'."
Castle: "Yeah?"
Ryan: "Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten."
Castle: "Eaten?"
Ryan: "Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime."
Castle: "Whoa..."
Esposito: "Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there."
Castle: [Catching on] "Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?"
Beckett: "Yeah."
Castle: "Okay, thank you. An adult."
Beckett: "Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them."
Castle: "You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?"
Ryan: "We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon."
Castle: "What was the murder weapon, by the way?"
Ryan: "Some kind of death ray."
Esposito: "Turns your insides out."

2x06 - Vampire Weekend
Beckett: "What happened to him?"
Castle: "They never found out."
Beckett: "I am so sorry Castle that must have been really hard."
(Castle gives a sly smile)
Beckett: "You made that up!?"
Castle: 'It's what I do!"

Castle: "You smell like cherries"

2x07 - Famous Last Words

Castle to Beckett: "What I said was not confusing enough for your face to be doing what it's doing."

2x08 - Kill the Messenger

Alexis: "Looking good, Grams! A date?"
Martha: "Dining and dancing with Chet Palaburn."
Castle: "What if he turns out to be bloated and ugly?"
Martha: "Oh! How superficial do you think I am?"
Castle: "Intensely."

2x09 - Love Me Dead

Castle: "Thanks."
Beckett: "For what?"
Castle: "For not saying I told you so."
Beckett: "Oh, that starts tomorrow."

2x10 - One Man's Treasure
Lanie: "Do you know how long I have to shower before heading out on a date?"
Castle: "No, but if you need someone to time it for you, I'd be happy to--"

Castle: "That ever happen to you with me? One day you look and you see your boy is all grown up?"
Martha: "I'm still waiting for that moment, actually."
Castle: "I set you up for that, didn't I?"

Montgomery: "Is that our vic's wife?"
Beckett: "Fiancee."
Castle: "The wife is over there."
Montgomery: "Come again?"
Castle and Beckett: "Wife (tilts heads to the left), fiancée (tilts heads to the right)."

2x11 - The Fifth Bullet
Castle: "See, judging and disapproving, you are so my work wife."

2x12 - A Rose Foreverafter

Kyra Blaine (played by Alyssa Milano): "Of all the murders, in all the cites, at all the weddings, you walk into mine."

2x13 - Sucker Punch
Castle: "Are you OK?"
Beckett: "Ten years since we came home and found that detective waiting for us. Ten years since we crossed that yellow tape and went into that alley and every time I cross the tape at crime scene I think of that night."
Castle: "And that’s what makes you such a good cop."
Beckett: "What if I let her down?"
Castle: "Do you know why I chose you as my inspiration for Nikki Heat?"
Beckett: "No. Why?"
Castle: "‘Cause you’re tall."

2x14 - The Third Man
Beckett: "I have no life."
Lanie: "No, Mr. Bishop has no life. That's why he's on my table."

Castle: "Well, that's Manhattan for ya. Nobody notices anything unless it affects them directly."

2x15  - Suicide Squeeze

Beckett (to Castle): "That was Joe frickin' Torre! I've got to call my dad."

2x16 - The Mistress Always Spanks Twice
Castle: "Did you just use the word "veritable" in a sentence?"
Beckett: "Yes, I did."
Castle: "Sexy!"
Beckett: "You should hear me say 'fallacious'."

2x17 - Tick, Tick, Tick... (1)

Esposito: "Pancakes is not just breakfast. It's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you so much for last night'."

2x18 - Boom! (2)
Castle: "Every Sunday, my mom had me make her an ice pack and a Bloody Mary."

Castle: "Are you in any pain?"
Beckett: "Well, not nearly as much as you. It's killing you, isn't it?"
Castle: "What?"
Beckett: "Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door."
Castle: "You want me to start from the beginning?"

Beckett: "Hell of a shot Castle."

Castle: "I was aiming for his head."

2x19 - Wrapped Up In Death

Beckett: "Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum?"
Castle: "They have dinosaurs there!"

Beckett: "Murdered Medina just to boost ticket sales? No, that would make this Scooby Doo, and I'm not Velma."

2x20 - The Late Shaft

Castle: "You sure you want to take that many books?"
Alexis: "Overambitious for a 5 day trip?"
Castle: "You're gonna be responsible for your own pack. I think you're supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages the trees might want revenge."

Castle (to Beckett): "We need a signature line. How about, "She's armed, he's dangerous"?"

2x21 - Den of Thieves

Ryan (to Esposito): "I'm your partner. That means I'm with you until the wheels fall off."

2x22 - Food to Die For

Alexis: "Stupid glass."
Castle: "Remind me to buy smarter glasses."

Castle: (looks at a police sketch of a potential witness) "Looks kinda sketchy to me."

2x23 - Overkill
Beckett: "I cannot believe you asked for samples."
Castle: "What they said anything we want plus these aren't for me they are for Ryan and Esposito."
Beckett: "Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?"
Castle: "Wait that would make me Carrie."
Beckett: "You are so metrosexual for even knowing that."
Castle: "Hey, I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mom had it on.... that didn't make my point quite like i wanted it to."

Beckett (translating a hysterical girl's words): "It's cry talk. There's not a girl alive who hasn't heard it from a sobbing, heartbroken girlfriend."

2x24 - A Deadly Game

Castle: "I can’t believe you’d blow off illegal fireworks for a lousy head start at a top-notch education."
Alexis: "I know. I’m a huge disappointment."

Beckett: "Wow, Castle, you are working really hard to see me in a swimsuit."
Castle: "If you’re not comfortable in a swimsuit, you can just skinny dip."


Beckett: (to a guy who just threw Castle up against a wall) "NYPD! Hands up."
(Castle raises his hands)
Beckett: "Not you, Castle."
Castle: "Right."

Alexis: "Well... Looks like I'm not the only one getting lucky this summer...(Castle glares at Alexis) Kidding! Kidding! I'm just-I'm just kidding!"
Castle: "That's not funny. That's SO not funny."

Season 3

3x01 - A Deadly Affair
Ryan (looking at cutout of Castle): "He really is ruggedly handsome."

3x02 - He's Dead, She's Dead

Castle: "I am not saying I can speak with the dead, just that there are people in the world more sensitive than me."
Beckett: "Now that's not hard to believe."
Castle: "Walked right into that one."
Ryan: "Uh-huh."

Beckett: "Why is it so important to you that I believe all this stuff about fates, psychics, and Santa Claus?"
Castle: "Because, if you don't even believe in the possibility of magic, you will never ever find it." 

3x03 - Under the Gun

Castle: "My Spidey-Sense is tingling."

Beckett: "I don't think you can handle the sight of me straddling it in tight black leather."

Castle: "You called to seek my council."

Beckett: "I wouldn't say it quite like that."
Castle: "No, no, no. You were hoping I would have some wild theory, some sort of penetrating insight that would lead us to a breakthrough."
Beckett: "Well... do you?"
Castle: ".... Na I got nothing."

3x04 - Punked

Castle: "Just saying, he was probably very comfortable when he was shot and killed."

Castle: "A 200 year old bullet can only mean one thing: time traveling killer!"

Castle: "So I wear boxers, what do you wear? Thong? Cheekies? Come on I told you mine! Bloomers? Granny panties? Commando!?"

Castle: "How do you know when you're in love?"
Beckett: "All the songs make sense."

3x05 - Anatomy of Murder
Castle: "That totally makes him McSteamy."

Castle: "Turns out Greg isn't McDreamy or McSteamy...he's McSchemey."

3x06 - 3XK

Captain Montgomery: "Feds say he is a white male, 25 to 45 years old."
Castle: "Could be me."
Captain Montgomery: "With a dysfunctional relationship with his mother."
Castle: "Still me."
Captain Montgomery: "He has a menial unimportant job."
Beckett: "Definitely you."
Castle: "Just for that my next book is based on Esposito."

3x07 - Almost Famous
Martha: "Auditions are like men, there is always another one around the corner."

Castle: "Have you ever heard of a brilliant doctor named Doogie Howser?"

3x08 - Murder Most Fowl

Castle: "What's the strangest pet you've ever had?"
Beckett: "You."

3x09 - Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind

Esposito: "Castle, just prove that ET did this, please."

3x10 - Last Call

Castle to Beckett: "Don't ruin my story with your logic."

 

Beckett: "I remember that phase, that's about the time that I got my tattoo."
Castle: "You have a tattoo... *stutters*... Where?"

3x11 - Nikki Heat

Alexis (phone rings): "Pick it up, Dad, a murder will make you feel better."

Beckett: "Do I really do that?"
Castle: "Yes and it's adorable."
Beckett: "If it's so adorable why didn't you sleep with me? The her me not the me me."
Castle: "Oh well a fictional character that I wrote based on you played by Natalie Rhodes its just way to... Meta."
Beckett: "Meta...?"

3x12 - Poof! You're Dead

Castle: "You had your hand in my pocket and I didn't even feel it? Do it again!"

 

Lanie: "Javier Esposito, when we get to this crime scene, do not wink at me, do not smile and do not even look at me with those puppy dog eyes. Got it?"

 

Beckett: "Alakazam, jackass."

3x13 - Knockdown

Captain: "You too, Castle. I don't need you playing Nancy Drew on this."

3x14 - Lucky Stiff

Castle: "Detective Beckett, did you call to tell me a bedtime story?"

3x15 - The Final Nail

Castle: "Shut the front door!"

3x16 - Setup
Castle: "For reasons too disturbing to mention, I find that hot."

3x17 - Countdown
Martha: "How old are you?"
Castle: "Old enough to afford top-of-the-line laser tag."

3x18 - One Life to Lose

Castle: "Esplanie. Lanie and Esposito. Like Fox-Can. We can call them Esplanie, which is perfect because they are always explaining things!"

3x19 - Law & Murder

Ryan: “Cowards die many times before their death. The valiant never taste of death but once.”
Esposito: "Bro, you’re not Castle."
Ryan: "Yeah, I know I’m not Castle."
Esposito: "Then stop trying to talk like him."
Ryan: "What, I’m not allowed to reference The Bard? I’m a Renaissance Man."
Esposito: "Memorizing one quote does not make you a Renaissance Man."
Ryan: "What if I memorize two?"
Esposito: "Have you memorized two?"
Ryan: "No, but what if I did?"
Esposito: "Depends on the quote."

Sandra Jenkins: "I did it. I did it. I did it."
Castle: "You killed him?"
Jenkins: "Oh my god no, of course not! Why would you think that?"
Castle: "Because you just said ‘I did it.’"

3x20 - Slice of Death

Beckett: "You had a lot of imaginary friends growing up, didn't you?"
Castle: "Still do."

3x21 -  The Dead Pool

Castle: "This is why Alexis is never going to college."

3x22 - To Love and Die in L.A.

Castle: "Never... Ever... call me kitten."

Castle: "When her blood sugar gets low she gets a little cranky."
Beckett: "Zip it kitten."

3x23 - Pretty Dead

Castle: "Bam said the costume lady!"

Beckett: (sees Castle looking at a nude photo of a victim) "Remind me to get you a subscription to a girly magazine for Christmas."
Castle: "Oh, that is so thoughtful of you!"

3x24 - Knockout

Sorry, no really 'funny' quotes in this one, but a hell of an episode!

Season 4

4x01 - Rise
Beckett: "Showing her up with the Mayor? You might as well have beaten a beehive with a bat."
Castle: "Worked didn’t it? Besides it sure was great seeing her face twitch like that."

4x02 - Heroes and Villains
Castle: "Our killer is a superhero!!"

Castle: "If you could be any comic book hero, who would you be?"
Beckett: "Elektra."

4x03 - Head Case
Castle: "Are you sure?"
Lanie: "No, I just sit down here and make stuff up all day."

4x04 - Kick the Ballistics
Castle: "Execution-style murder? Cement trucks? Can anyone else say mob hit? I’m looking at concrete evidence, right here."

Beckett: "Castle, we just got some bad news, so no hypotheticals. Just give us a name."
Castle: "Well, I have to start at the beginning."
Beckett: "Name!"
Castle: "Chin Hai Lee Chang."
Beckett: "OK, start from the beginning."

4x05- Eye of the Beholder 
Beckett: "You guys didn’t go out?"
Castle: "No."
Beckett: "Why?"
Castle: "Because I can’t afford it. Museum just slapped me with a bill for the exhibit I broke." (He shows her the bill)
Beckett: "Whoa!"
Castle: "I know! Think they’d cut me some slack after the whole ‘helping to solve the murder’ thing."
Beckett: "I guess the least the NYPD can do is take you out for a hamburger."
Castle: "I accept."
Beckett: "Let’s go."
Castle: "I could put Alexis through college on this."
Beckett: "Yeah, and med school."
Castle: "Thank God I’m rich."

4x06 - Demons
Alexis: "Dad, are you using me as a shield against flesh eating zombies?"
Castle: "No, I'm just trying to give you a better view."

Castle: "You? Skepticus Maximus?"

4x07 - Cops & Robbers
Esposito: "Hey Castle Jr., can you start acting like a cop?"

4x08 - Heartbreak Hotel
Castle: "Let's not let a little thing like murder get in the way of having a good time."

Castle: "This is the worst impromptu bachelor party while on case ever!"

Esposito: "What Elvis can't be brown. I'm El-vis."

Alexis: "He has the IQ of a squirrel."

4x09 - Kill Shot
Castle: "Don't worry mother, I saw this work on Die Hard."

Castle: "I know what the paper dolls mean!"
Gates: "Mr. Castle, now is not the time for your theatrics."

4x10 - Cuffed
Castle: "We're in handcuffs. Kinky."

Castle (to Beckett): "You would make a terrible conjoined twin."

Castle: "Lift up my shirt, pull off my boots. Under normal circumstances, I'd like where this was heading."

4x11 - Till Death Do Us Part

Castle: "If you find out a man is cheating on you, how would you kill him?"
Martha: "Knife."
Alexis: "Shoot him."

Beckett: "That's espionage."
Castle: "More like sexpionage."

4x12 -  Dial M For Mayor

Castle: "An officer and a gentleman. That could be the name of our crime log."

Martha: "So how's the case of "the phone sex girl who knew too much" going?"

4x13 - An Embarrassment of Bitches

Castle: "Your friends name is Buttons Dutton."
Martha: "That is unfortunate." 

4x14 - The Blue Butterfly

Beckett: "Did you just say Kate? Are you picturing you as the PI and me as the gangster's girlfriend?"
Castle: "No!"

4x15 - Pandora

Beckett: "What are you doing?"
Castle: "Bracing myself to shield you from a hail of bullets."

4x16 - Linchpin

Castle: "I guess the good thing about having your daughter at crime scenes is that she can bring you dry clothes."

Castle: "That whole sinking car thing is much cooler in movies than in real life."

4x17 - Once Upon a Crime

Castle: "Red Cloak. In the woods. Animal attack. She's Little Red Riding Hood!"

Castle (to Beckett): "You get cute when you get angry. Not when you get angry with me."

4x18 - A Dance with Death

Castle: "Yeah, well separated twin stories never end happily, except for The Parent Trap!" 

4x19 - 47 Seconds

Castle: "I think she's starting to like me."
Gates: "No, I'm not."

Alexis: "They say genius skips a generation."

Castle: "Apparently, so does funny."

4x20 - The Limey

Beckett: "I feel like I just walked into a bad episode of Miami Vice."
Castle: "First of all, there are no bad episodes of Miami Vice." 

4x21 - Headhunters

Martha: "Playing with dolls, are we?"
Castle: "They are action figures."

Ryan: "I feel like he's cheating on us." 

4x22 -Undead Again

Castle: "You have thirty seconds to suit up."

Castle: "My friends, that is a zombie. The killer is a zombie!"

4x23 - Always

Castle: "The most worthwhile things in life are often the most difficult. For example
(Phone rings, Beckett calling) Wow, this really is a smart phone."

For more Castlefun, look here:

- http://www.castlefanwiki.com/page/Richard+Castle+Quotes

- http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/castle/

- http://www.fanpop.com/spots/castle/articles/15222/title/castle-quotes