There were only three seasons of this amazing show, but a lot of amazing quotes. If you don't feel like reading all of them (I couldn't help myself and went a little overboard), simply watch the couple of YouTube vids I also posted on this. They are really great and fun ;-).
Let's just start with the credits, cos the song pretty much sets the theme.
Veronica: [Keith walks in] "And...?"
Keith: "Who's your daddy?!"
Veronica: "I hate it when you say that."
Keith: "This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool."
Keith: "'77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute. I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool."
Wallace: "I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from The Outsiders."
Veronica: "Be cool, Soda Pop."
Troy: "When sexy, sassy girls can't come to a shindig of mine, it's time for all parties involved to stand up and just admit that, hey, maybe I was a little bit wrong or sorry. I mean, let bygones be bygones. Screw pride. Let's dance, baby, let's dance!"
Wallace: "That was beautiful man."
Keith: "So, how was your date?"
Veronica: "Oh, you know. Lousy conversation, but the sex was fantastic!"
Keith: "That's not funny."
Veronica: "I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was."
Lilly: "Oh, whoop-de-friggin-doo, Veronica."
Logan: "Thanks for the ride. Does this mean you're gonna play nice now?"
Veronica: "Walk in front of the car, we'll see."
1x06 - Return of the Kane
Lilly: "Honestly. I was awesome, right?"
Lilly: "Check you out, Veronica Mars. You're like a rocker chick now. You and I? We'd have a lot of fun together... yeah... if, um, you know, if I wasn't dead and stuff."
Veronica: "Why are you here?"
Lilly: "Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served."
Lilly: "Yeah, that, and, as kind of a side project, I dispense fashion advice."
Wallace: "My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house."
Veronica: "Who's Norman?"
Wallace: "Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout, mama's boy friend."
Veronica: "He sounds boring for an imaginary friend."
Wallace: "Mom seems to like him."
Veronica: "Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you."
Logan: "Do you even know how to play poker?"
Veronica: "No. But it must be really hard if all you guys play."
Veronica: "I do favours for friends."
Jackson Douglas: "I can pay."
Veronica: "Sit down, friend."
1x12 - Clash of the Tritons
Veronica: "I need to ask another favour."
Wallace: "This mission better involve me seducing the head cheerleader."
Veronica: "I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it."
Wallace: "No sweat! How do I do it?"
Veronica: "Play on her insecurity."
Wallace: "I meant getting the fake ID."
Veronica: "Who framed me?"
Veronica: "Hi Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial."
Keith (to Cliff): "You know the odd thing? Those were also her very first words."
Veronica: [surprising the Tritons with a camera] "Hi, everyone! Say 'respressed homosexuality'!"
Veronica: "And I'll be sittin' over here, chillin' like a villain."
Veronica: [slaps Lamb playfully] "Oh, you stop it!"
Love this song and great vid!)
1x13 - Lord of the Bling
1x14 - Mars vs. Mars
Keith [after Veronica came across his paint bom]: "Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face."
Veronica: "You're patronising me?"
Keith: "To be fair, I am your patron."
Weevil: "Look, I got some information for you."
Veronica: "Finally! A Deep Throat to call my own."
Weevil: "I'm not going to touch that one."
1x15 - Ruskie Business
Wallace: "What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama? What are you now, a love detective?"
Logan's voicemail: "This is Logan with today's inspirational greeting. 'The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' -Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message."
Wallace: "Tom Cruise? Not as good a private I as I thought"
Veronica [sarcastic]: "I love this school."
Mr. Clemmons: "When we arrived this morning, we discovered that Polly was gone."
Veronica: "Missing, or ...ffft?"
Mr. Clemmons: "Missing!"
Veronica: "Someone stole our mascot? Well, let's get to it. You 'know' it was me and I know it wasn't and now I'm suspended or expelled, tarred, feathered..."
Mr. Clemmons: "We don't really have the money to hire a professional, but I have noticed you have certain... skills."
Mr. Clemmons: "And what do you normally charge for something like this?"
Veronica: "A lot. Yeah, it's gonna set you back."
Mr. Clemmons: "How far back?"
Veronica: "Personal letter of recommendation: I'll write it, you'll sign it. My own parking space and... a different locker, preferably in the east hall."
Mr. Clemmons: The letter and the locker, fine. But you're not getting your own parking space."
Veronica: "Can you get me out of PE?"
Mr. Clemmons: "No."
Veronica: "How about a few excused absences?"
Mr. Clemmons: "How about one?"
Veronica: "I'm thinking three."
Mr. Clemmons: "Miss Mars...!"
Veronica: "You're the one with the missing bird."
Mr. Clemmons: "Fine. Two."
Veronica: [as Betty] "At my old school I was Horny! [receives odd looks] We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot."
Veronica voice-over (on the PI life): "A day in the life of a human google. Always in search mode."
Leo: "Just so you know, in my mind that daydream was about me."
Veronica: "Oh yeah?"
Leo: "I was a little suprised you had me in full armor but... whatever."
Veronica: "Can you do me a weird favour without asking any questions?"
Wallace: "Isn't that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?"
Leo: "I hate to bribe you, but... I'm fairly certain that aiding and abetting qualifies me for a dinner date."
Veronica: "Actually, it qualifies you for a dinner and a movie, but you undershot, so..."
Duncan: "Students Against Animal Cruelty... They threw the bucket of blood on the homecoming queen a couple of years ago for wearing fur."
Veronica: "Bucket of blood. Have we learned nothing from Carrie?"
Veronica voice-over: "What's it gonna be, girly-girl?"
1x17 - Kanes and Abel's
Logan (to undercover agent Ben): "Dream on, Jump Street."
Mac: "What did you ever do before you met me?"
Veronica: "Ever see the first ten minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey? It was a lot like that."
Norris: "So, this is my weapon collection."
Veronica: "You must feel really safe at night, when the dragons come."
Veronica: "Mac, if you were planning the Apocalypse on Friday, would you ask someone out on a date for that weekend?"
Mac: "Me? That's the only way I'd ask someone out."
Veronica: "Like, in general? Or is there a specific arena on which you'd like my opinion?"
Veronica: "You prank-called Mandy?"
Lenny: "What if I did?"
Veronica: "Well, I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations! You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition in your unparalleled lack of decendy and humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone."
Lenny: "Hey, everyone knows you're the biggest..."
Veronica: "Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a snausage in front of your nose. You use Mandy again to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life. Got it?"
Logan: "Hey, I need your help."
Veronica: "Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?"
Veronica: "Can I ask you kind of a weird question?"
Leo: "Do you ask any other kind of questions?"
Mac: "So... the bounty on Duncan. What's my share? Eight? Ten?"
Veronica: "Ten! (holds out a ten dollar bill) But you drive a hard bargain."
Mac: "I meant percent."
Veronica: "You know. Mean kids, indifferent teachers, crumbling infrastructure."
Mac: "Man, Veronica. Have you ever asked for help with anything normal?"
Veronica: "What fun would that be?"
Veronica: "It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass."
Logan [with Veronica's car]: "But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rustbucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go."
1x21 - A Trip to the Dentist
Keith: "Buenos dias. I know. Of all the countries under military dictatorship in all the world..."
Duncan: "So, did they give you the jet to take me back home? Or am I supposed to click my heels?
Veronica: "You wrote 'slut' on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?"
Madison: "Because 'whore' had too many letters."
Veronica: "Ugh. This is why I need to keep my walkie-talkies in my car. Muck."
Wallace: "Really? The dirt? See, I find I hardly need my walkie-talkies at school at all. But that's me."
1x22 - Leave it to Beaver
Veronica and Wallace (simultaneously): "Do me a favor?"
Veronica (to Keith): "You're not trying to burn a hole through a stack of paper using only the power of your stare again?"
2x01 - Normal is the Watchword
Veronica: "Give me your hands, look into my eyes and swear to that fact."
Kelvin: "Veronica, I swear that there is no possible way I could've failed that drug test."
Kelvin: "So am I lyin'?"
Veronica: "I don't know."
Kelvin: "Then what was all that for?"
Veronica: "I just wanted to see if you'd do it."
Wallace: "You didn't call me back last night."
Veronica: "Don't go gettin' all girl on me."
Keith: "So. Senior year. How was your first day of school, honey?"
Veronica: "Great. I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money, and then skipped out after lunch."
Keith: "What, no premarital sex?"
Veronica: "Oh, yeah. Yes. But don't worry, Dad. I swear you're gonna like these guys."
Keith: "That's my girl."
Veronica: "I missed you."
Keith: "Ah, I missed you too. Now where's my turkey pot pie, woman?"
Keith: "What's up, honey?"
Veronica: "Wallace is having a little trouble giving me a urine sample."
Keith: "Can't you talk on the phone and paint your nails like other girls?"
Wallace: "So, what's the plan?"
Veronica: "We're gonna scare 'em."
Wallace: "How is that gonna help me?"
Veronica: "Well... it'll be fun."
2x02 - Driver Ed
Wallace: "Watcha doin'?"
Veronica: "Remembering why I'm a misanthrope."
Student: "This chick just came out of nowhere, slammed into it. Just pow!"
Wallace: "You know who it was?"
Student: "Some blonde chick. She had a nice ass, but I'd never seen her before."
Wallace: "See, but now if that's all you got, I gotta go look at every decent-assed blonde chick in the school."
Veronica [in voice-over]: "Every day. That's what Meg's dad said. What's Duncan doing at the hospital?" (phone rings)
Veronica: "I don't know... What? Who is this?"
Veronica [to Duncan when they hear a knock on the door and he doesn't want her to be seen]: "Oh, sorry, should I hide in the bedroom like a hooker? Perfect!"
2x05 - Blast from the Past
Veronica: "Much like the plague."
Veronica: "Except for Unicornicopia!"
Cliff: "My name is Cliff and I'll be your 'If you cannot afford an attorney'-attorney."
Douglas (played by Joss Whedon!!!!): "Okay, uh, that's a LeSabre."
Veronica: "What did they call that awesome colour? It was..."
Douglas: "White? That's called white."
Douglas: "Yeah. That particular car is rented right now, but I can get you a Regal with moonroof in teal for two-fifty a week, not including tax and liability, which'd be a great way to go and see Stain."
Veronica: "Duh. Stain-duh. Gosh, that is more than I thought. Um, you wouldn't happen to have anything like... forty?"
Veronica: "Wow. Where'd you learn that interrogation technique?"
Wiedman: "Harvard. That's a pretty convincing hysterical routine you got. Where'd you learn that?"
Veronica: "Watching cheerleading tryout results."
2x08 - Ahoy, Mateys!
Veronica: "What's this four-week gap here?"
Mac: "Oh, they went on a little sabbatical."
Veronica: "Do you know why?"
Mac: "I suspect to torture me. Then they came back and Cap'n Krunk wasn't on anymore and it blew. So I stopped listening."
Veronica: "The show's still on?"
Mac: "A bastardized sub-par version of the show's still on."
Veronica: "Any way to find out where they're broadcasting from?"
Mac [pauzes, stares at Veronica, who looks quizzically at Mac's failure to proceed. Veronica nods her head forward in an 'and...?']: "Yes. ...Sorry, I was just seeing how long we could have a conversation with your side only being questions."
[Veronica scoffs in an 'as if' manner]
Mac: "We can track the signal."
Veronica: "Wow."[takes a breath to ask another question, then catches herself, thinking quickly how to rephrase it] I'd be interested to know if you had the capabilities to track said signal." [nods her head in satisfaction as Mac narrows her eyes and stares at her. They both laugh]
Mac: "Look, I'm happy to be the Q to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically-assisted mystery solving? Costs. You wanna play find the crappy radio broadcast, momma's gonna need a few things from Radio Shack."
2x09 - My Mother, the Fiend
Trina: "You... should audition for the play! You can audition using anything. Frankly, we need some pretty girls."
Veronica: "Yeah, thanks anyway, I don't act."
Trina: "Oh, acting's overrated. You've got a presence, sweetie. Listen, we'll catch up later. Right now, my company needs me. The play is my master and I am its whore!"
2x12 - Rashard & Wallace go to the White Castle
Logan: "Look, Veronica, can you just once save my ass without comment?"
Veronica: "No. Because saving your ass with comment, it just... it works better for me."
2x13 - Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough
Mrs. Hauser: "What wonderful mountains, Madison!"
Madison: "Thank you, Mrs. Hauser!"
Veronica: "Oh, Madison, you have a little..."
Madison: "What? Brown? Because I'm a brown-noser?"
Veronica: "No. Glitter. Because you're a fairy princess!"
2x16 - The Rapes of Graff
Dick: "My suspicion is you're afraid to embrace your true nature."
Logan: "Yeah, which is?"
Dick: "We are lone wolves, dude. High-plains drifters, life takers and heart breakers."
Logan: "Who play video games all day."
2x17 - Plan B
Weevil: "Need your help."
Weevil: "Look, I know it's a drag being you -"
Veronica: "No, seriously, I'm gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening."
Weevil: "Well, I'm banking on, uh, curiosity getting the better of you."
Veronica: [walks away, starts to slow down and turns around] "... All right, tell me! Damn my curiousity!"
Mac: "This serves as a pre-emptive apology for the conversation that's about to take place. Okay. And... Beaver and I occasionally, you know... uh, make out."
Veronica: "Mmm. I made out once. Back in the day... I think he had me pinned up against a wooly mammoth."
Mac: "So not that I'm an expert in this sorta stuff, but four months, typical high school boy, there should be some... under the... bra action, no?"
Veronica: "Let me consult my Idiot's Guide to Wanton Behaviour. Basically, you're asking me because I'm the sluttiest person you know?"
Mac: "Uh, 'slutty' is your word choice. Mine was 'worldly'."
2x18 - I Am God
Ms. James: "Something you want to talk about?"
Ms. James: "How's that?"
Veronica: "I'm being haunted. And.......she's the Ghost Whisperer. These are the jokes."
Veronica [in voiceover]: "Sometimes, opportunity doesn't knock. It waits for everyone to go to lunch and sneaks in using a key."
2x20 - Look Who's Stalking
Veronica: "Mac, you really do look—"
Mac: "Don't distract me. I'm planning how to kill you and make it look like an accident."
3x01 - Welcome Wagon
Veronica: "Boom goes the dynamite."
Veronica: "They were magically delicious. And they served me! Boo-yeah!"
3x05 - President Evil
Veronica: "Thank you! Good night! Here all week. Try the veal. And, scene."
Veronica: "Say hallo to my leettle friend."
3x08 - Lord of the Pi's
Veronica: "Hey, Fern. What up, girl?"
Fern: "What do you want, Buffy... Tiffany... whatever your name is?"
Veronica: "The Female Voice in Celtic Literature." I am woman, hear me bore."
3x14 - Mars, Bars
Veronica: "Yo, pops, check it out. This girl ain't gonna be nobody's bitch. You better reco'nize."
Keith: "What's that on your arm?"
Veronica: "I've had some free time. And, no, I didn't help Josh escape. Not intentionally. It turns out he's allergic to peanuts. His plan was to take advantage of my kindness."
Keith: "That's got to be the first time that's worked for anybody."
Veronica [to her dad]: "You bring my harmonica? I've got the blues, pa, the sittin'-in-my-jail-cell blues."
Cliff: "Who wants out of jail?"
Veronica: "I do! I do!"
3x15 - Papa's Cabin
[In the cafeteria, Veronica looks bemused as Wallace reports on Logan and Parker's lunchtime tête-à-tête]
Wallace: "I'm just telling you this because it looked like it was something, like they were connecting... What?"
Veronica: "I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are."
3x17 - Debasement Tapes
Wallace: "So, are you surviving?"
Veronica: "Surviving what?"
Wallace: "Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time."
Veronica: "It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened."
Wallace: [amused] "Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience."
Veronica: "I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?"
Wallace: "I thought you liked these kind of conversations"
Wallace: "I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers."
Veronica: "I hope we're still friends after I taser you."
3x20 - The Bitch is Back
Chip: "What do you want"?
Veronica: "Who sent you that video?"
Chip: "Don't know, don't care."
Veronica: "You don't care now. But holy crap! Are you gonna care when I start to get my revenge on. You'll be doing all sorts of carin'."
Mac: "You're like Kirk in Wrath of Khan. You refuse to believe in the no-win scenario."
Veronica: "You're like one of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds with your Star Trek references."
Piz: "You know, you're adorable when you surveil."
reminds me of the great acting... Awesome!)