The awesomeness of quotes pt 11

I had heard about this show before, but never taken the time to actually watch it. So when I got the first season of Warehouse 13 from a dear friend, I watched it right away. And I'm finally all caught up, right as it's about to be cancelled! :( There's only six episodes for the fifth (finale) season left. It gives them a nice chance to really wrap things up, but it was such a great show it's sad it's going to be gone. That's why I thought it was about time to do an awesomeness of quotes page, because they deserve it ;-). 

A world of endless wonder: 
U.S. Secret Service Agents Myka Bering (Joanne Kelly) and Pete Lattimer (Eddie McClintock) are assigned to the government's secret Warehouse 13 for supernatural artifacts (a world of endless wonder). It's located in South Dakota, they are to live in the local B&B - which is run by the aura reading Leena (Genelle Williams) - and they initially think they are being punished for something. But as they go about their assignements to retrieve missing artifacts and discover new ones, they understand how important their work really is. Other team members are Arthur - Artie - Nielsen (Saul Rubinek), Claudia Donovan (Allison Scagliotti) and in season three Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore) joins their team.

Season 1

1x01 - Pilot 
Artie: "And that is exactly what we do here. We take the unexplained.. and we just safely tuck it away in this super-sized Pandora's Box."
Pete: "Metaphorically speaking."
Artie: "Well, actually, Pandora's box is over in Aisle 989-B. Empty, of course."

1x02 - Resonance
Leena: "Artie, how've you been sleeping?"
Artie: "I haven't."
Leena: "I can tell, your aura looks like hell."
Artie: "Stop looking at it then!"

1x04 - Claudia
Artie: "Just... you know, just to clarify, you decided to re-create a clearly dangerous, potentially deadly experiment?" 
Claudia: "Oh, sure, it sounds bad when you say it like that."

Artie: "You're lucky that I have an emergency travel kit in the trunk of my car." 
Claudia: "Well, serendipity is my stripper name."

Claudia: "Yeah, I'm here. I'm here. Wait, I'm here? You took me to the inter-dimensional space? You were supposed to get him out, d-bag." 
Joshua: "No, he was supposed to destroy it. Clearly he's insane." 
Artie: "Children, don't fight. I can be both a d-bag and insane."

Artie: "Yeah, just out of curiosity, by the way, how exactly did you figure out the secret-panel thing?" 
Pete: "Well, each artifact is an extension of the person, Artie. We gleaned what we needed from the person." 
Artie: "Mm-hmm. Mrs. Frederic. I thought so."
Pete: "No, hey, hey, you know what? She's pretty scary. If we hadn't found something, she probably would have glared us to death." 
Artie: "Yeah. You have no idea."

1x08 - Duped
Leena: "Myka did name the ferret. She's just not telling Pete the name."
Claudia: "Why not?"
Artie: "Because she named it Pete."
Myka: "It's cute but so annoying."

1x09 - Regrets
Claudia: "Oh, hi, Artie. Hi. Huh, funny story. So I kind of, uh, tried to fix this light bulb, even though you expressly told me not too. And man, have I learned my lesson! You're so right about this place. You just never know what to expect. Okay, you're pissed. Can we move past that part for now and get to the part where you get me down from here?" 
Artie: "That wouldn't be Volta's lab coat that you're wearing?" 
Claudia: "All part of the hilarious story I should really tell you when I'm back on planet Earth." 
Artie: "The reason, Claudia, that Volta's lab coat is in the warehouse is because Volta couldn't control its magnetic field. As you may have noticed, each metallic object that it connects to makes the coat stronger and stronger!" 
Claudia: "That explains so much. Thank you."

1x10 - Breakdown
Artie: "How long did you have before the warehouse was gonna explode?" 
Pete: "Under a minute."
Claudia: "More like thirty seconds."
Artie: "That's lucky. I once got there with 17, and Mrs. Frederic's voice gets really annoying when she's counting down the seconds one at time."

Season 2

2x01 - Time Will Tell
Artie: [rubbing his head] "What did you hit me with?"
Claudia: Nothing. My hand." [moves a wooden baluster off to the side with her foot] 
[some time later, Artie tries to put on his hat and winces] 
Artie: [accusingly] "That was not your hand."
Claudia: "No, it wasn't."

2x02 - Mild Mannered
Claudia: "But there's a kink. The suit's energy-siphoning abilities drain the wearer of all vital fluids, causing paralysis in 60 minutes." 
Pete: "Oh, I'm only gonna need sixty seconds, 'cause I'm gonna be all biff, bang, pow!"
Claudia: "And in men, it causes impotence."
Pete: "Whoa. (hands the suit to Myka) Here you go, Wonder Woman."

2x03 - Beyond Our Control
Artie: "Now, focus on something benign. (Claudia focuses the projector on Artie) Not me! I haven't been benign since 1956!"

2x06 - Around the Bend
Artie: "It's a museum, anything there could be an artifact. You can't let him touch anything."
Myka: "Artie, it's Pete, it's a win when he doesn't lick anything."

2x08 - Merge with Caution
Claudia [while she's cuffed to a fridge]: "Hey Artie, the keys are over there."
Artie: "From here I can count eight ways you can escape. Wait, the spatula, make that nine."

2x09 - Vendetta
Artie: "You spoke to H.G. Wells about official Warehouse 13 matters, and you didn't tell me?"
Myka: "I was waiting for the right time."
Pete: "This ain't it."

 

2x10 - When and Where
Helena (HG Wells): "Do I make you nervous darling?"
Claudia: "Not on purpose, why would you make me nervous, your part of the team now, and not evil."

2x11 - Buried
Helena [wearing a Lara Croft outfit]: "I checked; this is what fashionable British archeologists are wearing."
Myka: "That is what Hollywood directors think fashionable British archeologists are wearing."
Helena: "Well, it is terribly comfortable."

2x12 - Reset
Claudia: "Artie can I talk to you about something?"
Artie: "Will it make me feel old and uncomfortable?"

Season 3

3x01 - The New Guy
Artie: "Welcome to Warehouse 13! [Camera zooms out momentarily showing some of the warehouse then zooms back in] Okay that's all we have time for! Now we have work to do!"

Pete: "Artie, this guy has no sense of humor. He doesn't laugh at the jokes."
Artie: "Your jokes Pete?"
Pete: "Yes."
Artie: "Give that a little more thought."

3x02 - Trials
Claudia: "You know, I've never had a gay friend before. Which is weird, if you think about it I'm sort of fabulous, right? I mean, I guess there was Paquito at the institution, but he was one of Susan's personalities. So I don't think he really counts."

3x03 - Love Sick
Pete: "Oh my God, you're gay? Finally! Thank God, someone who will appreciate all this. It's a waste of time working out for these people. Here, I'll take my shirt off for ya."
Steve: "No, no thanks."

3x05 - 3...2...1...
Pete: "Yes, just what the world needs a rich, homicidal maniac. You can buy yourself a secret island lair and hire someone to twirl your mustache."

3x07 - Past Imperfect
Myka: "Pete, what are you doing?"
Pete: "Well, I'm thinking like Myka. Yeah, I mean when something doesn't make sense Myka tries to make sense of it, but not right now because she's too emotional which is where Pete usually is, emotional."

3x09 - Shadows
Claudia: "Myka, what the frak?"

3x10 - Insatiable
Pete: "You don't talk to the living dead. You either run really fast or shoot them in the head and watch their head go pop."

Claudia: "She raised her eyebrow at this... and walked on."

3x11 - Emily Lake
Myka: "Why did you come in here all guns a blazing?"
Pete: "It's an escaped H.G. Wells Mykes. What if she was having one of her "lets end the world" days?"

3x13 - The Greatest Gift (Christmas ep)
Claudia: "Okay, it razzled, I'm dazzled. Now let's find your brush, my compass, and we'll get you some courage."

Myka: "Let me be perfectly clear. I know places where people would never find your body."
Pete: "Deal, I'll even dig the hole."

Season 4
4x01 - A New Hope
Claudia: "That's why it's a 24-hour stopwatch because Magellan was the first one to sail all around the world."
Artie: "So you actually paid attention in fifth grade?"
Claudia: "Yes, now think back to your youth, and try to remember what he said to you on deck the night he crossed the International Date Line."

4x02 - An Evil Within
Homeowner: "What are you, like, The Men in Black?"
Pete: "Yeah, yeah we kinda are."

4x04 - There's Always a Downside
Brady: "Tillman is competitive, especially this week because of the I.M.T.s."
Pete: "Oh right. The I.M.T.s . The international monkey...."
Hugo: "Interschool Multi-discipline Tournament."
Hugo: "Like Hogwarts."
Pete: "Oh right!"

4x06 - Fractures
Artie: "Well, you know who could help you though? Tech savvy girl, maybe with a punk rock flare and a bit of Goth."

4x07 - Endless Wonder
Artie: "It's gotta be an artifact. Adults don't have growth spurts. No short jokes, no fat jokes, no age jokes."
Pete: "Well then, I got nothing."

Steve: "What does this guy look like?"
Artie: "Well, look at this place. If you see any other human being, it's probably him."

Artie: "I was afraid you were buried alive again."
Claudia: "What?"
Artie: "Uh what?"
Claudia: "Again?"
Artie: "Why do you always listen to me when I don't want you to?"

4x08 - Second Chance
Myka: "You sure you are ok? You still look a little woozy."
Pete: "That's my look."

4x09 - The Ones You Love
Steve: "How did you get this in here?"
Mrs. Frederick: "No one touches my purse."

4x11 - The Living and the Dead
Pete: "You're like really really old, with a lot more reallys. What are you like a Vampire?"
Professor Sutton (played by James Marsters - aka the vampire Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel): "Oh please, vampires are for gothic novels."

Myka: "So you're like 300 years old?"
Professor Sutton: "514 actually, I moisturize."

Myka: "You saved me."

Professor Sutton: "Well as I said, beautiful women are my fatal flaw."

4x12 - Parks and Rehabilitation
Claudia: [talking to herself]: "Go with Pete they say, you'll love it, sunshine and fresh air. [Slaps a bug on her neck] Why am I so delicious to you?"

Season 5

Starts on June 3rd on the SyFy Channel. More quotes soon ;-). "Kirk, Out."