BTW's: Nathan Fillion will forever and always be The Captain ;-) 1x01 - Serenity
Mal: We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."
Mal: "I don't believe there is a power in the verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful."
Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."
1x02 - The Train Job
[Mal is insisting on continuing the job, despite the train car full of Alliance soldiers]
Mal: "Hell, this job I would pull for free."
Zoe: "Then can I have your share?"
Zoe: "If you die can I have your share?"
1x03 - Bushwhacked
Zoe: "Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something."
Wash: "[alarmed] Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing!? [deadpan] Oh right, that would be me. Back to work."
Harken: "Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of."
Mal: "May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."
1x04 - Shindig
Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast."
Wash: "That's just 'cause— I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all."
[As the ship begins to shake, Mal calmly leaves.]
Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know."
[Badger notices River wandering into the cargo bay]
Badger: "Who's that, then? Here, look at me. What's your story, love?"
Simon: "She's just a... just a passenger."
Badger: "Yeah? Why ain't she talkin'? Got a secret?"
Simon: "No, I'm—"
River: [suddenly speaking in Badger's own Cockney accent] "Sure. I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem like I'd tell 'em to you, now, do it? Anyone off Dyton colony knows better'n to talk to strangers. [pokes Badger in the chest] You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, ain't ya? I've met a dozen like you. Skipped off home early. Minor grift jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. And you're what? A petty thief with delusions o' standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill."
Badger: "Nice to see someone from the old homestead."
River: "Not really. [to Simon] Call me if anyone interesting shows up." [Leaves]
Badger: [grinning] "I like her."
1x05 - Safe
River: "They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are."
Mal: "Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?"
Zoe: "Cap'n'll come up with a plan."
Kaylee: "Well, that's good. Right?"
Zoe: "Possible you're not recalling some of his previous plans."
1x06 - Our Mrs. Reynolds
Inara: "So… explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?"
Mal: "Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. Besides, them soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. There's a whole… airflow."
Inara: "And you'd know that because…?"
Mal: "You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I am a mystery."
Inara: [laughs] "Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question."
Mal: "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back! Wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people."
1x07 - Jaynestown
Wash: "I think they captured him, though. Captured his essence."
Kaylee: "He looks sorta angry, don't he?"
Wash: "That's kinda what I meant."
[Shepherd Book prepares a meal as he absentmindedly addresses River.]Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?"
River: "Fixing your Bible."
Book: "I, um... What?"
[Pan over to River, who works on a book with pens, brushes, and loose pages.]
River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics... doesn't make sense."
Book: No, no. You—you can't..."
River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."
River: "We'll have to call it 'early quantum state phenomenon'. Only way to fit 5,000 species of mammals on the same boat."
Book: "River, you don't... fix the Bible."
River: "It's broken. It doesn't make sense."
Book: "It's not about... making sense. It's about believing in something. And letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you."
1x08 - Out of Gas
[Flashback to Mal's years-earlier encounter with three bandits, one of whom is Jayne.]
Marco: "Reason? He's gonna talk to us about reason now."
Jayne: "Yeah, that's a joke."
Mal: "Which one you figure tracked us?"
Zoe: "The ugly one, sir."
Mal: [nods, pauses] "Could you be more specific?"
Marco: "Do we look reasonable to you?"
Mal: "Well, looks can be deceiving."
Jayne: "Not as deceiving as a low-down... dirty... deceiver."
Mal: "Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?"
Zoe: "Had a kind 'o poetry to it, sir."
[River peeks in on Book, who is reading his Bible.]
River: "Don't be afraid. That's what it says. Don't be afraid."
River: "But you are afraid."
River: "You're afraid we're going to run out of air, that we'll die gasping. But we won't. That's not going to happen. [Book looks up at her, hopefully.] We'll freeze to death first."
1x09 - Ariel
Wash: [to Inara] "Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?"
Inara: "Ariel's quite a nice place, actually. There are some beautiful museums, not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the core."
Wash: "But... not boring, like she made it sound."
[Mal and Zoe wheel out the medicine-laden containers.]
Wash: "How much did we get?"
Mal: "Enough to keep us flying."
Zoe: "Can we fly somewhere with a beach?"
Wash: "Maybe a naked beach?"
[Wash and Zoe go into a passionate embrace.]
Mal: "Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity."
Zoe: "Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment."
1x10 - War Stories
[River and Kaylee are running recklessly through the cargo bay. Inara and Mal are conversing on the stairs.]Mal: "Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots... [to River and Kaylee] SHUT UP! .... One of you is gonna fall and die, and I'm not cleaning it up!"
[Jayne and Book are working out in the cargo hold. Inara and the councilor are coming down the stairs; the two kiss, and the councilor exits the ship. Jayne shakes his head. Inara rolls her eyes as she catches Jayne staring, and climbs the stairs back to her shuttle.]
Jayne: "I'll be in my bunk."
Zoe: "Okay, people. If it moves, shoot it."
Kaylee: "Unless it's the captain!"
Zoe: "Unless it's the captain."
[Zoe, Wash, and Jayne come across Mal's struggle with his tormentor. Jayne raises his pistol, but Zoe stops him.]
Zoe: "Jayne. This somethin' the Captain has to do for himself."
Mal: No! No, it's not!"
Zoe: [surprised] Oh."
[They open fire, killing the torturer.]
1x11 - Trash
Inara: "Well, since I can't seem to find work as Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!"
[An uncomfortable silence descends for a moment.]
Inara: "I didn't mean petty."
Mal: "What did you mean?"
Mal: "...That's Chinese for "petty".
[Jayne is on the infirmary table, temporarily paralyzed after his spill.]
Jayne: [mumbling] "Is [s]pine okay?"
Simon: "How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?"
Jayne: [mumbling] "Das crazy talk."
Simon: "Then let's talk crazy. How much?"
[Jayne's eyes move toward the door.]
Jayne: [mumbling] "Anybody there? [River pokes her head in.] Anybody else?"
[Simon continues to work on Jayne as he talks.]
Simon: "No matter what you do, or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us… I Will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe. 'Cause I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way."
[He leaves. River pokes her head in again.]
River: "Also... I can kill you with my brain."
1x12 - The Message
Jayne: "I got post?"
Book: "Might we all want to step a few paces back before he opens that?"
Jayne: "Ha ha! It's from my mother."
[Inara and Kaylee catch up to the post-office crowd.]Inara: "So, do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yeah. One of them's a doctor."
[River to Simon after he is blown off by Kaylee.]
River: "You are such a boob."
1x13 - Heart of Gold
Kaylee: "Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty."
Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
Kaylee: "'Cause I'm pretty?"
Wash: "'Cause you're pretty."
[Simon and Inara tend to Petaline during her contractions. River waits at her feet like a catcher.]
Inara: "How many babies have you actually delivered?"
Simon: "As the primary? This would be the first. You?"
Inara: "My first, too."
River: "Mine, too. ....Who do you think is in there?"
1x14 - Objects in Space
Mal: "If I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor."
Simon: "You are talking to a doctor."
Wash: "Little River gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?"
Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up."
Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing, it's always a hoot and we don't all die from it."
Mal: "Ugh. What the hell's goin' on here?"
River/Serenity: "I need you to do me a favor, captain."
Mal: "There was a guy. He was very blurry. You gotta be careful. Ugh. How come there's a guy on board and how come you're all of a sudden the ship?"
River/Serenity: "I know you have questions."
Mal: "That would be why I just asked them."
River/Serenity: "But there isn't a lot of time, captain. I need you to trust me."
Mal: "Am I dreamin'?"
River/Serenity: "We all are."
(Mal rolls his eyes)
River/Serenity: "Don't make faces."
Serenity (the movie)
Wash: "Well, if she doesn't get us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
Mal: "Define "interesting"?"
Wash: [deadpan] ""Oh, God, oh, God, we're all gonna die"?"
Mal: [over intercom] "This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."
Zoe: "Cap'n didn't make 'em fugitives."
Kaylee: "But he coulda made 'em family! 'Steada keepin' Simon from seein' I was there. And I carried such a torch, and we coulda... Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!"
Mal: [shocked] "Oh, God! I can't know that!"
Jayne: "I could stand to hear a little more."
Mal: "This report is maybe twelve years old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there's a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They're gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I’m asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten, they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people…better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave."
Jayne: "Shepherd Book used to tell me, "If you can't do somethin' smart... do somethin' right.""
The Operative: "Do you know what your sin is, Mal?"
Mal: "Ah, hell, I'm a fan of all seven. But right now, I'm gonna have to go with wrath."